tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post7031750029133839023..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: Nanny for SAHM needs adviceLeigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-11931362168111768802007-04-13T08:44:00.000-04:002007-04-13T08:44:00.000-04:00Always, ALWAYS, Always! take the working mom job. ...Always, ALWAYS, Always! take the working mom job. <BR/><BR/>SAHMs are freaking insane! They are overcontrol freaks who can't "handle" their kids behavior, or schedule(here's a hint don't overschedule the little guys) so they farm it out to a nanny. <BR/><BR/>But the SAHM feels "GUILT" that she didn't want to have kids in the first place, her life is supposed to be a mommy martyrdom complex for her kids, and she is jealous of nannies who love kids, who enjoy playing with children and who can do her job 1000x better than she can. <BR/><BR/>A working professional values you. She will pay you what you are worth, she will not keep you overtime or she will pay you for it, and bonus, she isn't around-altough it seems like there are plenty of OlD biddies on this list who like to chastize you for feeding a kid a sip of Dr. Pepper now and then. <BR/><BR/>go with with the Working professional. Only take the SAHM job in the following:<BR/><BR/>Special needs case and make sure you charge at least 22.oo per hour for that hassle<BR/>Mom has some disease she is dying of.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-43027477704496659232007-04-11T12:33:00.000-04:002007-04-11T12:33:00.000-04:00That would drive me crazy!!!....No on likes to be ...That would drive me crazy!!!....No on likes to be watched. But I agree with other posters it sounds like she has a hard time interacting w/ her child and does it vicariously through you. Such behavior would drive me to quit...but if the perks are as good as you say otherwise....I would consider speaking to her firstAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-22474495940472922742007-04-09T22:01:00.000-04:002007-04-09T22:01:00.000-04:00Hi, I'm a live-in-nanny, not for a stay at home mo...Hi, I'm a live-in-nanny, not for a stay at home mom, but for the "workaholic" parents. Yes, this does seem like strange behavior coming from the mother, but (as I have had conversations with other nannies/babysitters) it almost seems like one of those situations that she had a child by accident or for social reasons (the latter being my case). If you can, I would stick it out for a while. Since the parents don't spend much time to teach their child anything, do your best to. Give him the care and nurturing he otherwise would not get from his mother. At the same time, try and encourage the mother to spend more time with the child. If she comes in a watches you play games, invite her to join in. Parents often don't see what they are doing to their children by being distant, or having a nanny, but seeing your own situation, you may be able to help teach all people involved. I don't know if this is any help, just a little encouragement.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-49106266413402510682007-04-09T14:10:00.000-04:002007-04-09T14:10:00.000-04:00I have worked for some stay at home moms, some of ...I have worked for some stay at home moms, some of who are very respectful and one of which spied on me all the time. It does make it hard to be silly and have fun with the kids. I finally had to quit this job because the mom was asking me to spy on her husband and lie for her. She paid no attention to the kids and when she was supposed to be watching them and the spilled shampoo all over the bathroom, she made me discipline them so the kids wouldnt like me more than her. You dont realize how much stress this kind of situation is causing you until you quit.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-90678406825373010202007-04-09T13:07:00.000-04:002007-04-09T13:07:00.000-04:00Ok my question is..... Why would a stay at hom mom...Ok my question is..... Why would a stay at hom mom need a nanny for??????? Whats the point of staying at home if you arent even going to take care of your kids i mean they are your kids not the nanny. And you said she does nothing but follow you around. Then why doesnt she take care of him and be a mom?Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15798201122853072518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-32323726171347176892007-04-07T10:48:00.000-04:002007-04-07T10:48:00.000-04:00You know, here is another thought that I have-mayb...You know, here is another thought that I have-maybe Mom is jealous of your relationship with your child. Havw you ever thought of that?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-54358995943244351142007-04-05T17:41:00.000-04:002007-04-05T17:41:00.000-04:00I worked in a similiar situation for a mother with...I worked in a similiar situation for a mother with two children both in pre school. It took a long time for her to trust me and tell me what had happened but as it turned out she was convicted of her second DWI and lost her driver's license. She made a serious mistake and paid for it by losing her lisc. for 5 years. I don't think many people ever found out about that. She wasn't a bad person, either.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-42426620826315601812007-04-05T17:37:00.000-04:002007-04-05T17:37:00.000-04:00Here is another thought-Maybe Mom didn't want a na...Here is another thought-Maybe Mom didn't want a nanny and Dad or maybe in-laws insisted it was necessary. Maybe Mom resents the situation, and even maybe you a little. You should talk to her, first, before you talk to Dad. It sounds like it is very difficult for you to do your job effectively in this situation.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-57242285839204617452007-04-05T14:28:00.000-04:002007-04-05T14:28:00.000-04:00You should talk with the Mom. Maybe she just enjo...You should talk with the Mom. Maybe she just enjoys watching how you interact with her child. She might not realize that it makes you nervous. I know how you feel because it would make me nervous too, and I've been in that situation before! You should try and have a talk with the Mom about why they felt they needed a nanny - like other posters have said maybe she is dealing with an issue, etc., that you don't know about. Not necessarily because she didn't want to be honest and upfront but possibly because she's not comfortable with it herself. Who knows? You'll never know unless you sit down and have a talk with her and the Dad. You'll want to do it in a very respectful, gentle way, though - they may even appreciate it that you took the initiative to talk to them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-66123992127986859472007-04-05T10:06:00.000-04:002007-04-05T10:06:00.000-04:00well said, meghan!well said, meghan!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-16095907150466675582007-04-04T21:46:00.000-04:002007-04-04T21:46:00.000-04:00i work for a SAHM and while it was difficult at th...i work for a SAHM and while it was difficult at the beginning, i really love it now. baby always knows that mama is close by, and mama has become comfortable enough with me to know she can trust me with baby while mom does her own thing. in the beginning, mom was VERY over protective, gave crazy step by step instructions for EVERYTHING. i thought she was totally crazy, until i learned of several extenuating circumstances that made her behavior perfectly understandable. it could be that your boss is just worried about baby and wants to be close by for awhile to make sure she knows how you'll be when she's not around. if things don't improve, then have a chat...say something like, "lets take some time to talk about how things are going. i notice that you spend a lot of time with baby and me--that's wonderful, baby loves having you around. but i'm afraid she might get confused about who to look to for guidance at what time. i'm also concerned you're not able to get done everything you would like to. do you have any ideas about how we can make this work the best for everyone? i've been thinking...." yadda yadda yadda.<BR/><BR/>if you give it time, talk it out, and it still doesn't improve? run like hell.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-89295534816640023112007-04-04T18:46:00.000-04:002007-04-04T18:46:00.000-04:00I had a similiar experience as 637 with a sahm. he...I had a similiar experience as 637 with a sahm. here is the deal. these women dont work because they arent capable of anything. giving a one year old a choice was something my lovely lady did on a daily basis. they stay at home and have kids because they think anyone can do that but it turns out they cant manage that either. <BR/>I was raised being told that everyone has something they are good at. These women are the exception to the rule.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-74654343848023640412007-04-04T18:37:00.000-04:002007-04-04T18:37:00.000-04:00I worked for a WAHM/SAHM and it wasn't fun. I was ...I worked for a WAHM/SAHM and it wasn't fun. I was hired 1 day per week to watch a then 6 month old, and after Turkey Day, it was 2 days per week with 2 kids, 3 1/2 and 6 months. It was OK with the baby, and with the 3 1/2 year old, it was worse. <BR/><BR/>I have no problem with a WAHM, yet I could never work for a SAHM/WAHM mom again. The 3 and 1/2 year old wouldn't dress himself, and she would let him choose a diaper or a pull-up. He wasn't potty trained, and had no rules/routine for either of her children. I could put the baby to sleep without her nursing him, and she then switched the naptime around everytime I worked, so I never knew what to expect. If he was ready to go down for a nap, she wouldn't let me put him to sleep by rocking him-he had to be nursed, and I would often ask myself, "why did you hire me, if you are going to do what you pay me to do?"<BR/><BR/>I feel for you. It's a tough decision to make, and I wish you the best of luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-90695814104781087232007-04-04T15:10:00.000-04:002007-04-04T15:10:00.000-04:00The mom sounds kind of pathetic to me. Maybe ther...The mom sounds kind of pathetic to me. Maybe there is a problem of some sort.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-68679477795016041102007-04-04T14:39:00.000-04:002007-04-04T14:39:00.000-04:00I'm not a nanny, but if I were nannying for a "spe...I'm not a nanny, but if I were nannying for a "special needs" parent I would certainly feel entitled to know about it! I would hope the family would realize that to keep such information secret, be it a disablilty, psychological condition, or addiction, makes it very difficult for nanny, family, and child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-87460798128934550202007-04-04T02:36:00.000-04:002007-04-04T02:36:00.000-04:00there could be an underlying problem you just don'...there could be an underlying problem you just don't know about.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-18920309173101130212007-04-04T00:23:00.000-04:002007-04-04T00:23:00.000-04:00joe:is 31 across PLURAL?joe:<BR/>is 31 across PLURAL?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-66474871568816713892007-04-03T23:37:00.000-04:002007-04-03T23:37:00.000-04:00well i could at least respect a mom who worked fro...well i could at least respect a mom who worked from home! Although in most of the cases they think they work a lot more than they do. Most of them just butt in all the time. I say, if she (the mom) was capable of working in an office and getting along with others- she would!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-90213137157280107662007-04-03T23:34:00.000-04:002007-04-03T23:34:00.000-04:00The mom I work for right now works at home. I gave...The mom I work for right now works at home. I gave my notice last week and I will never take a job where either parent is home ever again! I say leave now!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-8413023432077097422007-04-03T23:17:00.000-04:002007-04-03T23:17:00.000-04:001036,I too worked VERY briefly for a sahm. Just ab...1036,<BR/>I too worked VERY briefly for a sahm. Just about 3 weeks. I never did figure out what her damage was. She had SERIOUS problems. She was abusive to her children. She didn't know anything about being a parent. I never considered that she might have had a head injury.<BR/><BR/>Hmmmmmmm...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-41272278521472721642007-04-03T22:36:00.000-04:002007-04-03T22:36:00.000-04:00I worked VERY briefly (3 weeks) for a family with ...I worked VERY briefly (3 weeks) for a family with a SAHM. She did similar things, checking in on us a little too often, erratically planning activities for the children (needing to be in 2 places at the same time, worrying about something 6 months away.) I have a degree in psychology, but it didn't require that to realize something was up with her.<BR/><BR/>Come to find out, she had been in a car accident and had a head injury. It was not obvious in regular talking to her, but she had a lot of memory loss and trouble with organization. On top of all of this, she had developed major drug dependency (think Anna Nicole Smith amounts!), so the father did not feel comfortable with her staying with the children all day.<BR/><BR/>While I am sure there are people out there equipped to deal with that, I was not, and I ended up leaving.<BR/><BR/>I would talk to the mom and explain that you enjoy your job, but you don't feel comfortable with her micromanagement. If she truly needs you there, she'll back off.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-74929061385284873462007-04-03T18:48:00.000-04:002007-04-03T18:48:00.000-04:00I work for a SAHM who does not have many activitie...I work for a SAHM who does not have many activities outside of the home. I have been there for two years and I absolutely love it!! She and I sit down regularly to discuss the child's well-being and our respective roles. If I were you, I would examine just what your role is in this situation and decide if its right for you. "no. that is what X is for" would not be acceptable to me. Talk to her and explain how what she says about you to the child influences what role the child sees you as having in their life. As far as always watching you, maybe she's just trying to make sure she feels comfortable with you as a caregiver. Annoying? yes. Understandable? possibly. Are you her first nanny? Talk to her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-92103956568699592142007-04-03T17:48:00.000-04:002007-04-03T17:48:00.000-04:00I have worker for a family in an extremely similar...I have worker for a family in an extremely similar situation except it was the dad. It was a temp job for 3 weeks and I found out on my last day that he had been in a car accident a couple of years earlier and had never been the smae since mentally. You would never have known anything was wrong unless you knew him, just that he seemed a little odd but he could not be left alone with the kids. Had I known that at the beginning of the job it would have emotionally been a lot easier for me. I think you need to talk to the parents together. Let them know that it is confusing for the child to have you both around when mom is just watching. Mom may not be able to tell you why she is doing it or she may not realise it is such a problem for you or him. Having the Dad be aware that there is a problem too without having seemed to go behind her back to him means you can all work together to make it better. And by the way I would NEVER choose a job with a stay at home mom instead of a working one because it sounded easier. In my experience they are almost always harder.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-27548924959819392702007-04-03T14:43:00.000-04:002007-04-03T14:43:00.000-04:00I'm just glad that my kids don't attend katie's da...I'm just glad that my kids don't attend katie's daycare in Colorado. She's too judgemental for my taste.<BR/><BR/>Those who have never been sick before are all quick to judge.<BR/><BR/>The mother may be ashamed or perhaps she hasn't come to terms with her illness herself.<BR/><BR/>We just don't know.....<BR/><BR/>In any case, the OP should tell the mom how she feels. If the mom doesn't change knowing how the nanny feels, well then she should leave.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-34536467643089361052007-04-03T14:42:00.000-04:002007-04-03T14:42:00.000-04:00The underlying problem is that the mother lacks so...The underlying problem is that the mother lacks social intelligence. Any normal human being knows and understands that a person will become uneasy when he/she is watched all the time. I try to stay out of my nanny's way when I am home unless I want to participate in what the children were currently doing. <BR/><BR/>If this SAHM cannot put herself in your shoes and see that she is making your working environment very uncomfortable and stressful, then you should leave. This lack of empathy may lead to future misunderstandings.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com