tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post62013325476486405..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: Nanny Needs Advice for (Possibly) Autistic ChildLeigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-47679392984657556102012-06-20T22:33:57.183-04:002012-06-20T22:33:57.183-04:00Hello, Iam a Nanny of a child with aspergers(8 yea...Hello, Iam a Nanny of a child with aspergers(8 years), and his younger brother who is also delayed (3 years). From what I know, and what you have wrote, that child most certainly has autistic traits. And Im not a doctor, but if she is 3 with less than 50 words, which you say she has none, a doctor will tell you that she also has a speech delay. The walking on her tippy toes is a common sign, and also the picky eating. Trust me, its not her being "difficult", children who have been diagnosed, or have autistic traits usually process sensory skills differently than a typical child. (I.g. The eight year old i take care of likes the taste of strawberries, but the texture makes him physically ill. Or he loves his cat, and loves to watch his cat eat, but touching the cat food makes him also physically ill.) Its harder when they havent started speaking yet, and unless you begin working with her immediately, she might eventually not want to because her screaming seems to get her what she wants. Again its not her behaving badly. Trust me. Shes not being malicious. Autistic children are children of habit. They are often quick learners, but it so hard to deter them from doing it differently. They will always want their raisins to the left, or want to drink water out of the blue cup, and juice from the red. She screamed and got what she wanted, so thats how she thinks it works. She doesnt understand that what she is doing is wrong. She most likely doesnt even understand that her screaming is an action associated with being upset. Most autistic children have to be taught emotions. As for her speech delay I would suggest picture communication, and sign language. Dont use sign language for every word, keep it simple. And keep your phrases simple. I had an autistic child who if you said "Danny come here." He wouldnt even turn around. But if you said "Danny come." He would run right over. That one extra word made a huge difference in his mind. As for being an nanny and not saying anything screw that. im sorry but a childs life is in need, and actually it is your duty that if her well-being is in danger you should alert the parents. If her parents dont get her tested to be diagnosed i would consider that neglect, and if i was in your country youd be damn sure id get my social services arse and get that child the help she needs. Autism is a different world. <br /><br />To be diagnosed on the spectrum with autism you have to have two thirds or more of the traits characterized as autistic characteristics. Any less and they will not give you a diagnoses, but that still doesnt mean that shes not autistic, and/or has autistic traits. The reason for the technicality is because more children today are being diagnosed with autism then ever before. The rights, and benefits for autistic children are constantly changing with the flux we are having of so many children being diagnosed.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-52368149961493671322011-03-24T13:43:07.494-04:002011-03-24T13:43:07.494-04:00My nephew had a speech disorder that caused him to...My nephew had a speech disorder that caused him to not interact with people properly. The words that he heard were not interpreted by his brain properly. So not only did he not speak, he had difficulty interacting with people. He would get frustrated as he didn't know what was going on, or he would use the wrong words (which weren't words at all in the beginning). I also don't remember the reason, but when you reprimanded him or spoke with him, it was like he didn't even hear you and he would either walk away, stare the opposite way, or continue yelling. It was related to the speech issue. There was a lot of screaming, a lot of" bad behavior." With a bit of speech therapy he is the sweetest, most caring little boy now.... and a huge chatter box.scrubgrubhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05000166976930517017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-44064119140337683812011-03-08T22:58:12.312-05:002011-03-08T22:58:12.312-05:00As a mom to a dd with autism, I wholeheartedly agr...As a mom to a dd with autism, I wholeheartedly agree with and appreciate, the comments recognizing the qualities of people with autism. <br /><br />To the OP, it could be autism, or not. There is an expression, if you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism. In other words, the spectrum is wide and how it manifests itself varies greatly. However, it could be sensory processing disorder or any number of other developmental disorders. Either way, the child is clearly unhappy and needs a better way to communicate her needs. In the short term, I'd get picture cards and let her begin to use them to communicate her needs and wants. It could go a long way toward relieving her frustrations.NVMom-movedtoTXnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-59419757863786690542011-03-08T13:03:07.158-05:002011-03-08T13:03:07.158-05:00Whenever a child has odd behavior or is delayed pe...Whenever a child has odd behavior or is delayed people seem to suggest autism without consideration of any other possibilities. What this child needs is a thorough work-up and evaluation by a developmental pediatrician or a neurogeneticist. She could have any number of problems, including genetic disorders, developmental disorders, or neurological problems. It's not fair to her if there are medications she could be taking. Where is this child's pediatrician?Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00870431755241135684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-58465804376499300732011-03-07T13:08:44.708-05:002011-03-07T13:08:44.708-05:00My son didn't talk at all beyond mama and dada...My son didn't talk at all beyond mama and dada at age three. He mostly pointed at stuff he wanted and his two older sisters and I would "fetch" what he wanted. When my second daughter went to school full time and I was the only one left to do his bidding, out popped complete sentences. He knew how to talk the whole time, I bet, but didn't see the use in talking when he could get what he wanted pretty easily. This little girl sounds more spoiled than disabled or speech delayed (which was my son's problem).christinenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-45686289543509579242011-03-07T12:15:05.319-05:002011-03-07T12:15:05.319-05:00I am concerned for you as much as the little girl!...I am concerned for <i>you</i> as much as the little girl! Please take care of yourself as much as possible and try to go the little girl's next doctor's appointment. Is she still getting regular check ups? If she's around other children she's bound to pick up a cold or two. So tag along--say you want to learn from the doctor the best way to take care of her (it is the truth after all!). While at the appointment, notice how the doctor reacts to her behavior. Having both the nanny and the mother present is a good way to make sure all the information is out in the open. You can even help "remind" mom about last week when she threw a tantrum, or how you've noticed she always walks on her toes. I know very little about autism, but "autistic" and "normal" aren't the only two diagnoses. A good pediatrician should be attentive and concerned, and, if necessary, s/he can make notes about developmental issues which can later be sent back to the UK physician. And remember: you are not the mother so you are not responsible for the choices SHE makes about how to raise her child. Take care of yourself and I hope it all works out well!La-la-Lisanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-33432977181904401722011-03-06T18:05:03.769-05:002011-03-06T18:05:03.769-05:00Just My Two Cents Just Now
I absolutely agree! A p...Just My Two Cents Just Now<br />I absolutely agree! A parent should always err on the side of caution.MaryPoppin'Pillshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01493804863551764605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-33687225232657013912011-03-06T12:46:02.254-05:002011-03-06T12:46:02.254-05:00I was not offended by the use of the word "au...I was not offended by the use of the word "autistics." lol I actually appreciated "Seriously's" post a lot. Poster obviously is an advocate for autism, no matter her word choice. My daughter and people with autism ARE "autistics." lol. Just one of many things that they are (athletes, artists, Hannah Montana fans.) lol<br /><br />Thanks for your post "Seriously." :)<br />xoxoparent of an autistic childnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-40458845313331843122011-03-06T12:03:14.359-05:002011-03-06T12:03:14.359-05:00Seriously?- And yet, you just referred to persons ...Seriously?- And yet, you just referred to persons with autism as "autistics" thereby reducing them solely to their diagnosis and perpetuating stigma. (Sorry but I am really big on person-centered language, as language has a huge influence on how we think about things) That having been said, I agree wholeheartedly with your "pushy advocacy" approach. Mom is actually doing the child a huge disservice (IMO) by ignoring the problem (whether or not it's autism). As far as nanny goes, I don't see how she (or anyone) could tolerate the situation much longer, so she might as well at least try to improve the situation by advocacy, even if mom gets upset.Mom-of-1noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-36196633111034981532011-03-06T07:45:43.387-05:002011-03-06T07:45:43.387-05:00parent of an autistic child:
I agree with you! Th...parent of an autistic child:<br /><br />I agree with you! There is such a horrible stigma attached to autism.<br /><br />I once had the misfortune of being on the edge of a conversation where a man was talking about his less-than-intelligent co-worker, when he suddenly popped out with, "I think he's a little autistic. *guffaw*" I was so stunned I couldn't do more than just stare at him (which is probably just as well since there was a police officer standing there who would have arrested me if I had slugged him).<br /><br />Autistics aren't broken, or stupid, or lesser than neuro-typical people. They're just <i>different</i>.Seriously?noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-73650244009480471182011-03-06T07:32:28.367-05:002011-03-06T07:32:28.367-05:00I have one twin who's been officially diagnose...I have one twin who's been officially diagnosed as autistic, another twin who has Aspergers, and a younger son who has a speech delay and Sensory Processing Disorder. Your little girl's behavior sounds A LOT like how my youngest son behaved before he got into Speech and Occupational therapies, and he's been doing fabulously ever since.<br /><br />OP, please tell the mom that you believe the girl needs to be seen by a specialist immediately. While behavior like this can manifest because of a new baby or bad habits, from your description, this has been going on for a lot longer than that, and it needs to be addressed NOW so that she can get the help she needs.<br /><br />I don't know if programs like Early Intervention are available in Spain and England, but I can't imagine there aren't. But someone somewhere needs to get her evaluated, and that might not happen until you speak up and break mom's belief that this is normal behavior. Personally, it took me a while to accept that my twins weren't perfect, because it invites a cycle of fear and self-blame. But those aren't good reasons to delay.<br /><br />Document everything so that it can be passed along to the evaluator, and you can prove that it's not just a matter of your overstating things. Print out some developmental charts to show mom where her little girl falls in comparison, maybe sit down with her and dad together to express your concerns. But PLEASE try to help this little girl before things get worse!<br /><br />(My apologies if I'm coming off pushy, but advocacy for children who can't advocate for themselves is something about which I feel very strongly.)Seriously?noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-53348586310460353492011-03-06T05:39:52.388-05:002011-03-06T05:39:52.388-05:00I have looked after a few children with autism, no...I have looked after a few children with autism, not for long, but to me it doesn't sound to me that this little girl has autism. Althouh to be honest I don't actually know much about it. haha.<br />The thing I thought I would write about that I was most concerned with is that she is still walking on her tip toes. This can be VERY bad for children's feet with their development. You could tell MB that childcare brang it up and they thought it was a good idea to see dr. <br />You say you have seen her behave like this at care... does MB ever pick her up? Could you discuss it with the girls that look after her and suggest they talk to MB about it?<br />Please let us know what happens!Duffas Friendnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-34635838743744109612011-03-05T18:58:37.399-05:002011-03-05T18:58:37.399-05:00Mary Poppin Pills:
In ALL situations there is alwa...Mary Poppin Pills:<br />In ALL situations there is always an exception to the rule. ALWAYS.<br />I think your example is a prime example. <br />But again, as a parent of a child with severe speech delays, I would still get them tested. It can't hurt, right? If the Dr. rules out everything and says the child will talk when he or she is ready, that would be great!!!!!Just My Two Cents Just Nownoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-37170661548517496442011-03-05T17:47:06.543-05:002011-03-05T17:47:06.543-05:00When I saw Alex's comment I had to respond. My...When I saw Alex's comment I had to respond. My neighbor had a little girl that seemed delayed in many aspects. The mother only began to get concerned about it shortly before the child became 3yo. Then as crazy as it seems... the little girl just started talking one day and wouldn't stop! Her vocabulary was pretty significant for a child that had never spoken before and while there is no explanation for it she is perfectly fine now as a teenager, excelling in every way. Her mother insists that maybe she just didn't have anything important to say until then!MaryPoppin'Pillshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01493804863551764605noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-91318907971824422792011-03-05T17:40:14.039-05:002011-03-05T17:40:14.039-05:00Parent of an autistic child:
I couldn't agree...Parent of an autistic child:<br /><br />I couldn't agree more! My nephew is one of the kindest, sweetest children I have ever met. He has no idea what sarcasm is, or spite, or rudeness and that makes him an extra special young man. He is certainly not "broken!" I love him to pieces!world's best nannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-51649717628817126462011-03-05T17:06:31.712-05:002011-03-05T17:06:31.712-05:00It doesn't sound like autis1`m. It sounds mor...It doesn't sound like autis1`m. It sounds more like a speech delay and she's frustrated because no one is understanding what she wants. It also sounds like she's jealous of her brother.<br /><br />Autistic children typically play on their own because they like to direct play. They won't make eye contact or respond to their names being called. They typically enjoy constant movement and are upset by changes in routine.<br /><br />If you notice these in her behavior, it would be wise to sit down and ask mom about it. If Autism is caught at a young age such as this, while there is no cure, there are many therapy options to help child and family. The only way though, is for it to be brought to mom's attention so testing can be done.<br /><br />If it turns out to be just a speech delay, there are also lots of therapy options. One of the best options though, is sign language. When you offer her something, look her in the eyes and sign the word while saying it before you hand it to her. She'll soon associate the sign with what she wants and be able to communicate it to you.Chantelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00530738298752681517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-81491957058065109092011-03-05T17:04:37.049-05:002011-03-05T17:04:37.049-05:00get out now...it sounds like a train wreck of a fa...get out now...it sounds like a train wreck of a family and your only going to drive yourself insane dealing with them.bettybeansnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-38173187305267274112011-03-05T11:46:54.331-05:002011-03-05T11:46:54.331-05:00p.s.
I think it is sad that people are so hesitan...p.s.<br /><br />I think it is sad that people are so hesitant to say the word "autism" to a parent or person because of the stigma attached. It's like, people automatically assume the child is a freak because they may have autism. People with autism are not freaks. I understand OP's hesitance, but it is sad all the same that people see the word "autism" as a taboo word, and a taboo diagnosis. Like they need to be "fixed" or something.<br /><br />Some of the most wonderful children I know have autism. My child is one of them.parent of an autistic childnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-81391158194104990052011-03-05T10:57:36.140-05:002011-03-05T10:57:36.140-05:00My advice to OP: tell the parents that you feel th...My advice to OP: tell the parents that you feel the child has a speech delay. It is up to a parent to get the child seen by a child neurologist. If a child has autism, they need to learn things differently than children who do not. Their behavior has to be handled differently, according to everything about the child. ABA Therapy, (Applied Behavior Ananlysis) is the type of therapy that my child gets, and they type I have learned to implement. What is "normal" for children without autism is not "normal" for those with it. They have sensory issues, social issues, even digestive issues sometimes. etc. <br /><br />Often the lack of speech by age three is an indicating factor. It was with my child. That does not mean that a 3 year old who does not speak yet has autism, nor one that walks on her toes, nor even one who only seems calm when watching Playhouse Disney. <br /><br />OP, I would leave this job. It sounds like you are frustrated and unhappy. As the parent of an autistic child, I can tell you this: it is difficult enough to care for a child with autism when they have all the resources in place and the parents on board with their diagnoses and therapy. It would be even harder for someone like you who did not have that support. <br /><br />If in fact this child has autism at all. Either way, I would leave. You sound not suited for the position. Major personality conflict with the mother. Just my opinion.parent of an autistic childnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-19309200333234168562011-03-05T08:04:16.135-05:002011-03-05T08:04:16.135-05:00My nephew, who is 8, is Autistic. The behavior yo...My nephew, who is 8, is Autistic. The behavior you described doesn't sound like Autism. My nephew hit all his milestones a little later than most, but he hit them. He speaks, but never an original thought, he just repeats what he hears. He has to be told everything he eats is chicken or he won't eat it. He will not get dressed on his own or bathe on his own. He his the "hug me tight" kind of kid although he rarely flips out if no one can hug him. He has a hammock in his room that he retires to and swings when he feels out of control. Why don't you talk with a grand parent perhaps? Or a teacher? The facts may sound less harsh if coming from them. Kudos to you for putting up with all of that! I consider myself a patient woman but I don't know if I could deal with that!world's best nannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-37249216706803821112011-03-05T07:46:31.176-05:002011-03-05T07:46:31.176-05:00JMTCJN- I agree...although a child who is not talk...JMTCJN- I agree...although a child who is not talking at two years old might turn out just fine without any intervention, it never hurts to have them evaluated. If they qualify for services, why not take advantage of that? <br />OP- this is a lot for you to deal with and mom is in complete denial. I don't think you should say anything to her about autism, but maybe mention that services might be helpful. <br />You said you saw some of the same behaviors at school- how do the teachers feel she is doing at school? If she is mostly able to follow the classroom routines and play with other children, then the problem may be more related to the lack of boundaries at home. If her behavior is equally challenging at school, why hasn't the school said anything to mom?!another nannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-29000133341799478882011-03-05T03:11:27.375-05:002011-03-05T03:11:27.375-05:00Alex while I am glad you turned out well, it is no...Alex while I am glad you turned out well, it is not normal for a three year old not to talk. <br /><br />I have a son who had a severe speech delay. I knew something was wrong early on..call it motherly instinct, however I was told by many people, my mom included.."Oh stop worrying...he will talk when he's ready." I listened to them for awhile but finally got him tested. After they tested his hearing and determined he could hear normally, they diagnosed him with a severe speech delay.<br /><br />My advice to all parents is to seek help if something doesn't feel right. If your child is not forming words at least by 18 months of age or so, I suggest they get tested. It won't hurt anyone and just might help.Just My Two Cents Just Nownoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-36239726797904037682011-03-05T02:34:23.594-05:002011-03-05T02:34:23.594-05:00Don't tell the mom her child could be autistic...Don't tell the mom her child could be autistic, I don't think this will go down well. She is probably not happy about the new baby and if she is not able to express it, it must make matters worse. I know of a few perfectly normal children who walked on tip toes up to a late age. Staying in front of the TV every day would make any child grumpy and non-cooperative. So this kid needs some help, and so do you. You need to get support, to find someone to discuss these issues with: it could be the child's doctor or a teacher in her school. You will have to talk to the mom about it, but you need to think about the best way to handle the subject with her, because the mom might have issues of her own to deal with.oh wellnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-90063968810130957422011-03-05T01:06:45.722-05:002011-03-05T01:06:45.722-05:00wow, OP good on you for handling all this! I don&#...wow, OP good on you for handling all this! I don't know if it is autism, as I would look at other things regarding eye contact, touch etc. I didn't speak until I was almost three and am perfectly fine and just graduated with my Masters degree. That being said, I do think there are some serious issues here and the mother is doing the child some extreme disservice by giving into her every whim. Does she say any words? Has she had any early intervention? How does she do at school? For the sake of her later in life she needs to learn boundaries and she needs to learn them now. I don't know how you could approach it but a sit down with the mom may have to happen.<br /><br />It would probably test you to the limits to not let her have things unless she makes an attempt to use a word. I am sure you probably say what you are giving her when you give it to her and you should keep doing that.<br /><br />And in regards to food. If they are hungry they will eat. So making 10 things definitely needs to stop.<br /><br />I am so sorry you are going through all of this! The mom needs to focus that this is not going to be fixed without an intervention. Good luck!!alexnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-66239743150728971082011-03-05T01:06:12.264-05:002011-03-05T01:06:12.264-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17925769624127754666noreply@blogger.com