tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post6060874323946890629..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: The best test for nanny?Leigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-69197614436846395742008-06-15T02:49:00.000-04:002008-06-15T02:49:00.000-04:00UGH! Mimi, I know exactly what you're talking abou...UGH! Mimi, I know exactly what you're talking about! I was a preschool teacher for 9 years before I became I nanny. I for sure don't miss drop off time. I used to tell the parents to peek in the window when they leave so they could see their child was fine.<BR/><BR/>OP if your daughter is close to the nanny and you see her (the child) growing emotionally, academically and socially then I think there is no reason to look for someone else. Some caregivers are a lot better with children than adults.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-46967699271090537132008-06-14T09:53:00.000-04:002008-06-14T09:53:00.000-04:00I think at a certain point the children should alw...I think at a certain point the children should always be happy to see the nanny arrive and greet her. But there are other factors involved, what is going on when she arrives? And I wouldn't think too much about the absence of teary goodbyes. Usually when nanny leaves, it's because mommy is home so the child probably doesn't feel like crying. If the child cried when the nanny left for the day, I would reexamine my own relationship with my child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-5754640197994997192008-06-13T17:35:00.000-04:002008-06-13T17:35:00.000-04:00i don't consider it *unfortunate* that another hum...i don't consider it *unfortunate* that another human being has a different personality and needs than what i might prefer.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-10516117216221981162008-06-13T13:58:00.000-04:002008-06-13T13:58:00.000-04:00your child loves her... she's a great nanny!your child loves her... she's a great nanny!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-25622540790014318022008-06-12T10:01:00.000-04:002008-06-12T10:01:00.000-04:00My high-functioning autistic daughter never enjoye...My high-functioning autistic daughter never enjoyed cuddling or kissing. Coming form a very affectionate family, it's been a difficult adjustment for me.<BR/>She does show her affection in other ways. For Social Studies class, she was given an assignment to write an essay on a strong woman you admire. The kids were given an example list of people like Harriet Tubman, Amelia Earhart and all the usual suspects. My daughter went to her teacher and asked him if she could choose me. He thought it was a wonderful idea. When she brought it home and I read it, it was worth a million hugs and kisses plus.<BR/><BR/>As for your nanny, if your children love her and she's doing her job well, please keep her. Maybe you can help her come out of her shell by inviting her to lunch. She may also be the type of person that keeps things very professional between herself and the boss. That's not really a bad thing. Good luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-14842768298893950342008-06-11T13:11:00.000-04:002008-06-11T13:11:00.000-04:001:07I'm fine! Don't worry about it.You were %100 r...1:07<BR/>I'm fine! Don't worry about it.<BR/>You were %100 right.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-85573017906518770402008-06-11T13:07:00.000-04:002008-06-11T13:07:00.000-04:00Lucy, I'm glad for you -I love guddling with kids ...Lucy, I'm glad for you -I love guddling with kids :) Sorry if I bashed you too much... just so sick of everyone who says that it's entirely a mom's responsibility and not the father's too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-25183742412595402562008-06-11T13:04:00.000-04:002008-06-11T13:04:00.000-04:00My comment was not ridiculous. I'm sorry if I have...My comment was not ridiculous. I'm sorry if I have never been unfortunate enough to have come across a less than affectionate child. I can only question what would make a child behave that way, and if you say it's temperament, I'm fine with that answer.<BR/>But to 7:37, you are right. I shouldn't have been so thoughtless with that comment.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-11915935643136405302008-06-11T07:37:00.000-04:002008-06-11T07:37:00.000-04:00Lucy, first of all, the boy's mother stayed home t...Lucy, first of all, the boy's mother stayed home the full year of maternity leave (we lived in Switzerland) and would die for him. She loves him with all her heart and would do anything for him. His lack of physical contact has nothing to do with his mother and everything to do with his personality. Secondly, I wonder why you are talking only about his mother? Why not trash the father too? I am so sick of everyone who thinks it's just the mother's responsibility -TWO people make the child, TWO people are responsible for bringing it up. It's the father's child just as much as the mother's.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-20911826635704882912008-06-11T06:38:00.000-04:002008-06-11T06:38:00.000-04:00lucy, that ridiculous. each child has his own temp...lucy, <BR/>that ridiculous. each child has his own temperament. my middle son has never been big on cuddling. even when he was a baby, he'd nurse quickly then be done with me. he's almost 8 now and swoops in for quick hugs throughout the day and that's about it. he expresses that he loves everyone in our family all the time, he just doesn't enjoy a lot of physical contact. some people are just like that. it doesn't mean they were neglected. you have to follow the child's cues about how much contact is wanted.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-45089326280520744542008-06-11T06:14:00.000-04:002008-06-11T06:14:00.000-04:00Wow. I wonder what kind of child wouldn't want to ...Wow. I wonder what kind of child wouldn't want to cuddle or be affectionate?<BR/>I'm thinking it's probably because mom left him in his crib and didn't nuzzle him often when he was a newborn. Didn't have eye contact when she fed him. Didn't coo to him so that he felt comforted. Didn't hold him very much ......Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-62749979855643923902008-06-11T05:23:00.000-04:002008-06-11T05:23:00.000-04:00Not all kids like hugs and kisses. I was the nanny...Not all kids like hugs and kisses. I was the nanny for a 2 year old boy a while ago. I took care of him 16 hours/day (including nights if he woke up), and he was a lot closer to me then his parents. And yet, we almost never cuddled up together -because he's simply not that kind of person.<BR/>If your child seems to be secure and happy with the nanny, I think that shows that it's a good nanny.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-80122121520823835912008-06-11T00:50:00.000-04:002008-06-11T00:50:00.000-04:00When I interviewed for my job with my current fami...When I interviewed for my job with my current family, the first thing they told me was that they were firing their current nannay basically for this same personality. I thought that was kind of intense and a little unfair to the other nanny. However, they made it very clear what they wanted: someone warm, friendly with the whole family, and easy to communicate with. Because they told me this, I was able to go into the job knowing I had the right personalit to fit the family. It helped me know that sometimes it was good to talk about my personal life if I wanted to, because they like that.<BR/><BR/>What I am trying to say is that each family finds different aspects of the nanny more important than others, and each family gels best with different personalities. Since you have recently figured out that your nanny's pesonality is not ideal for your family, you do need to address it if you want to make it better. <BR/><BR/>The most fair thing to do is try to talk to her. You could say," I feel like I harly know you - maybe we could go to lunch sometime." I think she needs to bond with you one-on-one - assuming your the mom. You should make sure to tell her that it's important for her to show her feelings and talk to the whole family somewhat.<BR/> <BR/>Not everyone is big on hugs and kisses though. I think it's most important the kids get that from you. You just can't force someone else to be affectionate. If she can't do it you might have to just leave it alone. Or if you really need her to be that way you'll have to find someone else. :( That's sad but what else can you do?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-17376636689595738552008-06-10T23:56:00.000-04:002008-06-10T23:56:00.000-04:00Charlie Chan,Transitions are difficult for toddler...Charlie Chan,<BR/>Transitions are difficult for toddlers. The hand off at the end of the day can be especially difficult because they are tired and winding down. Crying when the nanny leaves is a normal stage many children pass through, and is not a bad reflection on the parents!<BR/>A NannyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-54363932319761931852008-06-10T23:19:00.000-04:002008-06-10T23:19:00.000-04:00*break* sorry...One to many drinks with dinner :)*break* sorry...<BR/><BR/><BR/>One to many drinks with dinner :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-60323796972398210922008-06-10T23:17:00.000-04:002008-06-10T23:17:00.000-04:00I don't know....I think you have to play it by ear...I don't know....I think you have to play it by ear. My three 2 year olds run to me in the morning,and I usually hear stories of them screaming for me when they wake. I shower them to the fullest with hugs and kisses all day. I have about a million toys but they tend to climb all over me and sit on my lap to read. BUT then there's the almost 4 year old who has been with me since 18 months. Lately we have hit quite the "stage" where she won't come to me in the morning without some sort of prompt "come be my helper cooking breakfast" "come help me mix the batter" "come see what we are making today" etc...etc... Frankly this gets old. Mostly because I know this child better than she knows herself and this is all for show for mom and dad...and she holds out until I say the Very thing she wants to hear, so with every attempt I have to sweeten the pot...Basically if I were her mother since I KNOW shes fine I would tell her to get a move on and not try to suck up to her. But because I worry about the parents pulling the whole "oh my god she doesnt like mimi anymore" card....I suck up to her and get her to make a tear free brake from mom and dad. Sucks...but ya gotta do what you gotta do!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-18726626183104797552008-06-10T21:30:00.000-04:002008-06-10T21:30:00.000-04:00Some children are not physically affectionate. I w...Some children are not physically affectionate. I would love to hug my charges more, but it feels awkward and almost unwelcome. So I take my cues from them. They always run to me for magical healing kisses when they get hurt, and we sit nice and close on the couch when we watch a video together. But it feels largely like the boy doesn't need or even want physical attention. The girl often spontaneously hugs me, or tells me she missed me or loves me. Sometimes they hug and kiss me goodbye, sometimes they don't. I rub their backs at bedtime and kiss them goodnight. I hold their hands when crossing the street. But that's about all it seems they want from me in terms of touch. <BR/><BR/>My point is this: the end-of-day display is not a great gauge of how good a job your nanny is doing. Talk to your child about the things they do together. Pay attention to how much your child talks about her time with the nanny when she's not there. You could even flat out ask your kid if she thinks the nanny is doing a good job. Have a friend tail your nanny and kid for an afternoon. There are lots of ways to gauge your nanny's job performance, and you should definitely try a few ways to see if the info you gather from different sources all seems to match up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-47634377251568460902008-06-10T19:47:00.000-04:002008-06-10T19:47:00.000-04:00I agree with the first poster...it sounds like you...I agree with the first poster...it sounds like your nanny might just be a bit shy and socially awkward.<BR/><BR/>My charge, who I think is awesome and enjoy spending time with, NEVER cries when I leave. Sometimes he'll scream "bye!" and give me a crazy wave and a big grin, sometimes he'll give me a high-five, or sometimes he's so absorbed in his trains/trucks that he doesn't notice I'm getting in the elevator. That said, I have a great relationship with the parents, so I doubt they're using a "test," and I've also known them three years, so it's been a while.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-52416345690684596822008-06-10T19:15:00.000-04:002008-06-10T19:15:00.000-04:00Sounds like a good test to me, maybe not to full e...Sounds like a good test to me, maybe not to full extremes as tears, but if your child(ren) are genuinely happy to see the nanny or not would be a good sign.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-53385140926526894522008-06-10T19:08:00.000-04:002008-06-10T19:08:00.000-04:00I disagree. I nannied for two girls, 5 and 3, and...I disagree. I nannied for two girls, 5 and 3, and it took the younger months to warm up to me ("I don't like you, you look like a boy" - I had short hair), while her older sister took to me almost immediately. I understood that it was simply a temperament difference, and it was never a problem. But if the parents had been judging me by how emotional and demonstrative their daughters were when I arrived and left each day, they would have reached the conclusion that I was a great nanny to the one and a poor nanny to the other.<BR/><BR/>That said, in your particular situation, if your daughter is close to Nanny, why not keep her? Look at the problems people on this site have finding good ones. Your interactions with Nanny, as long as the basics of communication about your daughter are fulfilled, aren't terribly important.<BR/><BR/>If you want to try to make progress on a personal level with Nanny, try taking her out for lunch sometime - without daughter in tow. She may be assuming that you don't want to talk to her, or she may be trying not to waste your time, if you give off signals of being busy or stressed. Or maybe, as you say, she's just shy.<BR/><BR/>Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-80409461388397484992008-06-10T17:21:00.000-04:002008-06-10T17:21:00.000-04:005:10 That's what Charlie Chan was trying to say.5:10 That's what Charlie Chan was trying to say.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-82582948952105618682008-06-10T17:10:00.000-04:002008-06-10T17:10:00.000-04:00tearful goodbyes? for who? the nanny or the char...tearful goodbyes? for who? the nanny or the charge? i know that if my nanny cried when she left, i would be slightly freaked out. <BR/><BR/>if the kids cry everytime the nanny leaves, that could be a sign of bigger things....such as issues with the parents.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-25230007660158705742008-06-10T16:16:00.000-04:002008-06-10T16:16:00.000-04:00I think it might sometimes be a valid test, but no...I think it might sometimes be a valid test, but not the best test. I am a nanny for a 10 month old and when I get there in the mornings she sometimes reaches out for me and always smiles and giggles, but is very quick to wave bye-bye when her daddy comes home at the end of the day, with no tears or anything. If the child shows no good feelings toward the nanny it may show that the two don't have a good relationship, or it may show that the child is just an introvert. You can't use an ultimatum like "best" test.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-91759185483407409092008-06-10T15:52:00.000-04:002008-06-10T15:52:00.000-04:00I would say the children's bond is more important ...I would say the children's bond is more important than your opinion of the nanny. I'm very shy and reserved until I get to know people, but I'm very open and warm with kids. I'm a part time nanny to 2 families. I'm very bonded to both sets of kids. They have nicknames for me and run to the door when I come in. One mom always thanks me for how happy the kids seem when she gets home. SHe doesn't seem bothered at all that I'm not really chatty. THe other mom is a SAHM and I can tell she gets irritated when she sees me coming in from the yard doing having a silly walk contest or singing a crazy song and then get quiet when I walk into the kitchen with her. I think she feels insulted.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-49553199166784613772008-06-10T15:40:00.000-04:002008-06-10T15:40:00.000-04:002:50, if the child is crying because the nanny lea...2:50, if the child is crying because the nanny leaves, or cries when the nanny hands off the child to the parent - that's a sign that maybe the mother isn't a good parent to the child, and the child prefers the love of a nanny over whatever the parent has been giving the child.<BR/><BR/>That's what I meant.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com