tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post3639269195222373558..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: Nannies and the Moms Who DON'T Employ ThemLeigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger99125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-54700204393622479002008-06-24T06:07:00.000-04:002008-06-24T06:07:00.000-04:00Hi,I live in London and have experienced the "mom ...Hi,<BR/>I live in London and have experienced the "mom freeze" on several occasions. But I am Australian working with American children who go to an International school. I actually find it varies between each nationality. Australian and American mums tend to talk to me, Europeans tend to put me in the staff category and then it's a 50/50 for English parents. <BR/><BR/>I generally find that because I'm quite young and not too far apart in age from the children I nanny I get a response of "I didn't know that a + b had an older sister" so occasionally nannies don't speak to me until they know that I'm a nanny as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-44134526380286954702008-06-18T12:59:00.000-04:002008-06-18T12:59:00.000-04:00I am a longtime Nanny.I am also a mother,and usual...I am a longtime Nanny.I am also a mother,and usually fall in love with my charges and treat them as if they were my own.<BR/><BR/>While i will admitt that there are some unworthy Nannies,most are loving and caring.However if one goes looking for negativity they will always find it;some of the parents posting on Nanny sightings may seek out such.<BR/><BR/>I will say that after talking to multiple Nannies over the years and hearing of their stories,i have realized that the quality of the relationship between the parents and their Nanny,influenced the quality of the relationship between the Nanny and her charges.However this did not mean that the children were not well cared for,but the Nanny was always unhappy and stressed.<BR/><BR/>I also do agree that as a child grows,the way in which they respond to their Nanny(i.e)affection,excitement when he or she arrives,crying when the Nanny leaves,or talking about the Nanny and trying to include him or her in family events,is a good indicator of the quality of care.<BR/><BR/>The above mentioned affections can at times be overwhelming to parents who can feel insecure or jealous.<BR/><BR/>Loving Nanny.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-4183947236106892752008-06-16T23:44:00.000-04:002008-06-16T23:44:00.000-04:00pppphttttttt!pppphttttttt!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-88977403348223971182008-06-16T22:20:00.000-04:002008-06-16T22:20:00.000-04:00I love Wry Mom's posts.I love Wry Mom's posts.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-13882229017878475052008-06-16T22:10:00.000-04:002008-06-16T22:10:00.000-04:00previous poster, here...I meant to say "wouldn't"...previous poster, here...I meant to say "wouldn't" appreciate being in your company any longer than necessary.<BR/>wry mom: who cares about your lunches, evenings at the theater, book clubs, or parties? Do you even realize what a snob you sound like?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-52303797895651708902008-06-16T22:04:00.000-04:002008-06-16T22:04:00.000-04:00wry mom:My guess is, your husband's assistant, you...wry mom:<BR/>My guess is, your husband's assistant, your gardner, your plumber, your housekeeper, or anyone's nanny would appreciate being in your company any longer than absolutely necessary either. Feel better?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-53705780170103584072008-06-16T21:32:00.000-04:002008-06-16T21:32:00.000-04:00mom, 11:04 here..."plastic souled" women is an apt...mom, 11:04 here..."plastic souled" women is an apt description. And yet, I do see moments of depth, when momboss seems to be feeling vulnerable, or alone, in here ivory tower...as if she remembers who she use to be before she sold her soul for the price of her hubby's trust fund, and realizes what she's lost. Briefly, ever so briefly, we'll have a moment of real connection (joy or concern) over something one of her children did, or just a woman-to-woman thing. I do appreciate those moments, even though I know it means she's gonna "turn-on-a-dime" in the very next moment, withdrawing back into her "superior" persona, and find some way to put me down in order to prove it. I feel sorry for her, I really do. I take it only because my position is coming to it's natural end. I won't have to put up with this treatment much longer, but she'll have to continue living with herself her whole life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-83991755766529519842008-06-16T14:44:00.000-04:002008-06-16T14:44:00.000-04:00I don't have lunch with my husband's assistant.I h...I don't have lunch with my husband's assistant.<BR/><BR/>I have never been to the theater with my gardener.<BR/><BR/>I have not invited the plumber to join my book club or the pool man for a round of golf.<BR/><BR/>The handyman never joins me for tea and the housekeeper only cleans my home, she's not invited to the party.<BR/><BR/>So.<BR/>No.<BR/><BR/>I won't be spending much time with your nanny either.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-36911049373818272142008-06-16T11:27:00.000-04:002008-06-16T11:27:00.000-04:0011:04Excellent observations. And you hit many nail...11:04<BR/><BR/>Excellent observations. And you hit many nails on the head.<BR/><BR/>My parents made their own way, struggling students apying their own way through college to wealth.<BR/>MY husband and I had it a little better in that we were put through school by our parents, so were able to "step into" our adult lives well educated and debt free... but earned everything we have after that. Many of my extended family have not attended college at all and work in modest jobs and are some of the best people I could hope to know. Maybe while the "rich from birth" are busy feeling lucky for their "elevated station" in life...they are actually the ones missing out...on a lot of important things. <BR/><BR/>Both of those groups..."mine" and the "old money" make a lot of sense in terms of how they think.<BR/><BR/>What I have never really understood is for the other group you mention...the "common" women who marry rich, and seem to suddenly forget where they came from. Instead of being grateful for the opportunity to not have to struggle financially and having a "sisterly" desire to care for other women in their "former circumstance," it's like they have a stick inserted into their rectums as part of the wedding ceremony and emerge as pretentious, snobby, uber bitches. What is the most ironic about that is that, while they are playing "rich socialite," they are usually exhibiting their complete lack of class at every turn. As my husband says (ususally while shaking his head after enduring an evening with one of these plastic souled women), "There is a certain sort of 'grace' that money can NEVER buy."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-50842318038453624962008-06-16T11:18:00.000-04:002008-06-16T11:18:00.000-04:00thank you, mpp: right back at you.I really don't s...thank you, mpp: right back at you.<BR/><BR/>I really don't see why a rich person would not want to hang out with a poor person: I agree with what Mom and mpp said.UmassSlytherinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15647516080217006351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-10253347613707640472008-06-16T11:04:00.000-04:002008-06-16T11:04:00.000-04:00I think, mom, you are an exception to the norm for...I think, mom, you are an exception to the norm for mombosses. People who have been raised with little,or who lost what they did have, then had to work really hard to acheive/re-gain a higher standard of living have the ability to relate to "working-class" individuals (the people they hire to make life easier for them), as individual people. <BR/><BR/>The really wealthy (old-rich) are born into money, then socialzed toward snobbery. People employed by the family will always be cosidered "the help" and "less-than", and never treated as equals - treated well, maybe, but never as equals.<BR/><BR/>The women who marry "up" have to constantly prove their worthiness (if only to themselves, based on insecurity about really deserving the standard of living they married into). Drawing class-lines is a way to claim and reinforce their new status. They have a tendency to accept or treat people they hire as equals momentarily, or situationally (when no one's looking!), then pull out the class-card again to reinforce their own superiority. This is the "ambivalent" momboss I've referred to in previous posts: she's not really comfortable with the luxury of being able to afford "hired" help, yet it is a symbol and a means for her to assume her rightful place in a higher standard/society that she really wants to fit into because the perks are so great.<BR/><BR/>I know the above observations(my own)are sweeping generalizations in themselves, and I surely do hope there are exceptions. I just haven't met any yet. In my next position, I hope to find a momboss just like you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-15022403341391555932008-06-16T07:52:00.000-04:002008-06-16T07:52:00.000-04:00Wow. I missed some really great posts here!First, ...Wow. I missed some really great posts here!<BR/><BR/>First, to 12:59:<BR/>That's one of the nicest compliments I've ever received, thank you so much!<BR/><BR/>Umass<BR/>You always tickle my funny<BR/>bone. Love ya!<BR/><BR/>6:32<BR/>Excellent post.<BR/><BR/>Unless you were born rich, you have to start somewhere.<BR/>Some people forget, the same people you see going up, may be the same people you see when you fall back down. <BR/>Real people that have compassion know this, and treat everyone equally.<BR/><BR/>Middle of the Road<BR/>I found your post to be very profound. You're an incredible thinker and writer.<BR/>But in regards to your last paragraph, I would like to believe that there are some people out there that wouldn't be so unkind.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-18189158794277125962008-06-15T23:25:00.000-04:002008-06-15T23:25:00.000-04:00Middle of the road,It sounds like you need new fri...Middle of the road,<BR/>It sounds like you need new friends! (hehehe) <BR/><BR/>However, although I found my long term "toilet scrubbing maid" to be a lovely, honorable, dignified person who I would happily dine with any time, I still don't feel like a "rich twat." Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-8591086890635226692008-06-15T22:13:00.000-04:002008-06-15T22:13:00.000-04:00In my nannying experience, I think a lot of moms o...In my nannying experience, I think a lot of moms of young children (I'm thinking 1-4 range) want to meet and connect with other moms of kids the same age (the moms I have met have been mainly "first-time" moms of said child and still building mom-friendships) so maybe it seems like a waste of time to bother?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-9179306938906678532008-06-15T20:04:00.000-04:002008-06-15T20:04:00.000-04:00If I were rich, and the toilet cleaner was cool, o...If I were rich, and the toilet cleaner was cool, or like, really hot, I would hang out with him.<BR/><BR/>I would. Really.UmassSlytherinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15647516080217006351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-50848352678825018842008-06-15T19:19:00.000-04:002008-06-15T19:19:00.000-04:00Mom,Look.I know people.You know people.The toilet ...Mom,<BR/>Look.<BR/>I know people.<BR/>You know people.<BR/>The toilet cleaner at 6:22 knows people.<BR/><BR/>If you cannot speak the truth on a blog, then when can you?<BR/><BR/>The world is far to far PC.<BR/><BR/>Most of my liberal friends live in mcmansions and drive SUVs. My Jewish friends drive Mercedes. My friend who runs around screaming about global warming only flies privately and cannot stand to catch a ride with someone else. She has to drive her own car, so she can be in control. My liberal friends are eating quaduple packaged crap that is filling up the dumpsters and their children eat on paper plates and drink out of sytrofoam cups. My conservative republican friend wanted Mike Huckabee for his stance on abortion, (but she's had three of them). <BR/><BR/>No matter what you and I can say about people who are very wealthy and are kind to domestic workers, there is no place in this country where some rich twat or some rich prick is sitting down and having dinner with his toilet scrubbing housekeeper. That's just a fact.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-38511605710630636112008-06-15T18:36:00.000-04:002008-06-15T18:36:00.000-04:00Gosh,I've had lunch with my nanny friend...and if ...Gosh,<BR/>I've had lunch with my nanny friend...and if somebody I told about it wanted to picture Nikisha with her three teeth looking for the "bahroom," I would have thought that to be their own pretentious minded misfortune. <BR/><BR/>But you know what? Rich peple who feel secure about themselves as people rarely (from my experience anyway) need to look down on anybody with less money for the purpose of making themselves feel better about themselves. Truly gracious people (rich or poor) seem to look beoynd such a silly measures of "worth," because they realize that the true value of a person cannot be found in a bank book.<BR/><BR/>I have been poor. I have been rich. But I have always been the same person...even though how people have perceived me has sometimes been based on what was in my bank book. People who discounted me early on, as we were working our way up (gee, what a novel concept...starting with little and working to EARN more)...well I just figure that is their misfortune. 'Cause now that they may deem me "worthy" to be among their wonderful selves...I have already seen what shallow people they are and have NO interest in THEM. Awwww....too bad.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-77718239637870408202008-06-15T18:32:00.000-04:002008-06-15T18:32:00.000-04:006:18 So you don't associate with people who clean ...6:18 So you don't associate with people who clean toilets? You are some kinda snob then, cause the majority of the world is filled with people who clean their own toilets. To differentiate then between those that clean their own and those that do that as an honest job for others is just snobbery at its worst. <BR/><BR/>FTR, I only cleaned toilets for one of my employers, but to even make a big deal about whether a nanny does domestic work or not is stupid!!<BR/><BR/>Here's the deal, folks...don't judge a person on whether or not they are a nanny, a SAHM, or a WOHM...get to know them as a person. If they are truly worthwhile and decent people then you won't have to be "embarrassed" to say that you are having lunch with a nanny (or any other "sort" of person). You can just say "I met an awesome person named ____ and we are meeting for lunch" and leave it at that!! No need to bring class, color, job description, or nationality into it!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-17074665630412001112008-06-15T18:18:00.000-04:002008-06-15T18:18:00.000-04:00But that is the truth. We don't consider you equal...But that is the truth. We don't consider you equals. We don' have any desire to invite you to coffee. The more domestic work you do (ie scrubbing toilets) the less likely I'm going to want to even be introduced to you. You want some soap story about how all people are equal or do you want the truth? We live in a class based society. Nannies are considered lower class, especially because there are so many uneducated immigrants working as a nanny. When most people hear the word nanny, they don't picture Kim from Oklahoma with a BA in early education. They picture Nikisha from Jamaica with three teeth on the top row who doesn't realize there is a T in bathroom. And how could I ever say, "I'm having lunch with a nanny" if anyone could possibly picture Nikisha?<BR/><BR/>Sorry, Kim.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-39682002411479376772008-06-15T18:13:00.000-04:002008-06-15T18:13:00.000-04:0010:11 I take offense at your comment of "I as a mo...10:11 I take offense at your comment of "I as a mom, would not want to get too involved in being friendly with a nanny. Best to keep a distance. And there is not that much in common. Income, education level, and marital status are often different. We move in different circles and they do not often go together." <BR/><BR/>Good gosh, woman!! Maybe the nannies YOU have been around (ones that shouldn't even be nannies) have prejudiced you or something!!<BR/><BR/>I have been a nanny off and on since graduating from college and yes, for my first three nanny jobs my income level, social status, and marital status were different. But I was college educated and living debt-free, socking money away to go work summers as a volunteer at summer camps in Eastern Europe and was quite happy about it. Though the first and third jobs weren't the greatest, I LOVED my second job where I worked for a year and a half...and the little girls were even my flower girls when I did get married. <BR/><BR/>My last two jobs, well, no one can say that I am no longer any different than most moms out there...I have a college degree, am married, will most likely have a child within the year, and am most certainly in their social strata...as my husband has a wonderful job and the reason I am working now is so that we can be debt-free within the year (and therefore even in a better position than most of my current and previous employers). <BR/><BR/>As far as the prejudice goes, I'm seeing it less now that I'm married, we live comfortably, and plan on starting a family. I also have my own part-time business on the side to go along with the part-time nanny job...so that may also have something to do with it. I got snubbed more actually with the nouveau riche at my last nanny position than with the country club crowd I'm around now. <BR/><BR/>All that to say that most nannies are not the sub-standard humans that some would have people believe, and that yes, moms can be rather condescending to people they don't consider their "equals"...even if they came from a less priviledged background than their nanny did!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-26136174729856929962008-06-15T15:56:00.000-04:002008-06-15T15:56:00.000-04:00You guys are funny. I got your b-list joke Umass!A...You guys are funny. <BR/><BR/>I got your b-list joke Umass!<BR/><BR/>And in defense of Egan...I too have said that my perception of nannies is probably colored by the abundance of terrible ones I happen to see where I live. So rarely have I had the pleasure of witnessing the energetic, bubbly ones I read about here sometimes!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-22503152711749072652008-06-15T15:02:00.000-04:002008-06-15T15:02:00.000-04:00I didn't say I had a problem, but UmassSlytherin, ...I didn't say I had a problem, but UmassSlytherin, you're alright.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-68400134735549012682008-06-15T15:00:00.000-04:002008-06-15T15:00:00.000-04:002:51,I did not suggest that Egan herself is respon...2:51,<BR/><BR/>I did not suggest that Egan herself is responsible for the women and employers who use the term "nanny" when they should not.<BR/><BR/>You misunderstood me.<BR/><BR/>And as for the B-list celeb comment...it was a joke. I am sorry you did not like it. I realize Egan did not comment about her favorite hawt B-list celeb. I myself did that in another thread and got in trouble for it. I was merely poking fun at myself. I tend to do that sometimes. <BR/><BR/>Yes. That is English. <BR/><BR/>Furthermore, I am sorry you had an alcohol problem. I wish you luck and good karma. <BR/><BR/>:(UmassSlytherinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15647516080217006351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-69114497370628431962008-06-15T14:51:00.000-04:002008-06-15T14:51:00.000-04:00What does this mean "And please try not to comment...What does this mean "And please try not to comment about your favorite hawt B-list celebs, if you were thinking of doing so"<BR/><BR/>Is that English?<BR/>Where in her post did she do that?<BR/><BR/>The woman in park slope call themselves nannies. Their employers call them nannies. The children come to me asking, "have you seen my nanny". So perhaps, you better take it up with the Park Slope Chamber of Commerce.<BR/><BR/>You know when I was about ten, I started swilling kahlua from the liquor cabinet. I filled the bottle back up with diluted coke. I started drinking vodka at 11. I started filling that bottle back up with water. <BR/><BR/>But water isn't vodka, even if it is in a vodka bottle. It corrupts and weakens the vodka. And these ninnies in Park Slope calling themselves nannies are doing the same to the nanny reputation.<BR/><BR/>It isn't Egan.<BR/><BR/>It's the people who hire trash and slap a nanny title on it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-14443324597883832202008-06-15T14:44:00.000-04:002008-06-15T14:44:00.000-04:00True: nannies are different from state to state. I...True: nannies are different from state to state. In my state, they tend to be great, from what I have seen. I am a former nanny and am friends with a professinal nanny and know others as well. They are all educated, responsible and well-spoken and very fun to be around. They are excellent drivers.<BR/><BR/>I have read Egan's posts and some of her/his comments have sounded a bit harsh: "most nannies" do not deserve great presents and bonuses seems a little hurtful to me. I suppose what she meant is that most of the nannies she has met in her area do not deserve these things, and I guess I just have to say I feel bad that the area in which she lives has left her with such a sour impression of the profession. We just have to remember that many women claiming to be "nannies" are not nannies: nannies are educated and CAN read and write well. We confuse the term many times with a babysitter. On the same token, babysitters can be wonderful, and because someone is a sitter doesn't mean they are stupid or not educated. We have an awesome babysitter who I trust fully with my child. <BR/><BR/>Again, I have never been to the Park Slope area, so I don't see these nannies. But if I did, it still wouldn't change the fact that you can't judge an entire profession based on one area of the country. Egan, I think people get offended when someone judges all nannies, which they may have felt you were doing. Many of us on this board are nannies or former nannies, and we do appreciate good and bad sitings since we care about kids, but feelings do run deep on these issues, and sensitivity is appreciated. <BR/><BR/>And please try not to comment about your favorite hawt B-list celebs, if you were thinking of doing so. It is very irrelivant to the threads. Some people do that sometimes and it is very juvenile. <BR/><BR/>:)<BR/><BR/>And welcome to the gang! :)UmassSlytherinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15647516080217006351noreply@blogger.com