tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post3411887210300577573..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: Two Sides of the Same CoinLeigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger90125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-51635997138760416832012-05-23T21:32:32.040-04:002012-05-23T21:32:32.040-04:00Question B:
Ok, I'm not going to attack you o...Question B: <br />Ok, I'm not going to attack you or call you names, but I do think this is a problem. You should never, ever, encourage a child to call you mom. I understand wanting a life like your MBs, but actually pretending her kids are yours is a bad idea. IF a kid calls you mom or mama, you should immediately say "No, I am nanny(or your name). Mama will be home later."<br /><br />If you want a husband and kids, you will need to find your own man and have your own kids. Do not encourage a fantasy of yours that will only end up hurting everyone involved. There is a good chance the parents will be furious, you will be fired and the kids will be very confused and upset.MonkeyNannynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-80673393776409203142012-05-22T17:28:19.768-04:002012-05-22T17:28:19.768-04:00I think people are seeing that the poster is a new...I think people are seeing that the poster is a new nanny and assuming that she must be terrible because of it.<br /><br />The 3 year old cried. 3 year olds cry at times. Doesn't automatically make what the nanny did wrong.<br /><br />I actually think she did a good job handling the situation.<br /><br />I also agrre with Logic that mom should have been clear about how she wished for the nanny to communicate with the daughter.<br /><br />If mom isn't clear on that she'll run into that situation again even with more seasoned nannies.<br /><br />I also think more damage has been done than by kicking nanny abruptly to the curb.<br /><br />I think this girl has a long list of nannies in her future.leftcoastmamanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-48061455883891978842012-05-22T17:13:54.767-04:002012-05-22T17:13:54.767-04:00I still feel that we're sort of missing a bigg...I still feel that we're sort of missing a bigger issue here (although everyone's opinions on how to handle this kind of situation are very interesting!), which is that OP was fired after ONE minor incident where she mishandled a conversation and made her charge cry briefly. That's what's so upsetting here. I really think MB overreacted. As I said in my last post, did it not occur to MB to offer some constructive criticism and help her do her job better? Wouldn't OP have been perfectly receptive to that?<br /><br />If I were the MB and my otherwise awesome nanny muffed a situation and made my kid upset for a few minutes(obviously this doesn't apply for more serious situations of abuse or neglect or trauma), I would talk about it with the nanny, maybe talk about it with the kid if I could manage it without undermining nanny's authority, and chalk it up to a learning experience for everyone. Because people make mistakes, but we love them anyway.<br /><br />Frankly, I think it's going to be harder on poor little M that her beloved nanny has been unceremoniously dispatched from her life than it EVER would have been if OP had been allowed to stay on as her caregiver, despite the occasional and very minor slip-up. How could MB not realize this?Logical Skepticnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-89072033377933679772012-05-22T15:16:41.445-04:002012-05-22T15:16:41.445-04:00Working mom, I'm sorry but I still don't s...Working mom, I'm sorry but I still don't see much of a difference between what I said and what the OP said. But then again, I wasn't there to hear the specifics, nor do any of us know the exact tone she used or the attitude in which she said it, so perhaps that is what made all the difference.MissMannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15111173519948500730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-5094328083888689942012-05-22T01:24:42.124-04:002012-05-22T01:24:42.124-04:00"Umass should not be allowed on this site.&qu..."Umass should not be allowed on this site." <br /><br />lmfao. Best post ever!UmassSlytherinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15647516080217006351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-31726804008502894712012-05-22T00:08:47.941-04:002012-05-22T00:08:47.941-04:00Re: My comment about warehousing
Yes, I am very ...Re: My comment about warehousing<br /><br />Yes, I am very aware that great daycares and centers exist; unfortunately, in the area where I live they are way too few, and very difficult to get into. (think waiting list)<br /><br />At any rate, I am too tired at this time to explain where I was going with that, except that it was enough of a digression on the topic of this specific post that it doesn't really matter anymore today; Trying to say too much in the short time I had before leaving for work.<br /><br />I will explain myself better on that another day.workingMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05170616457367079259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-76184340005162210742012-05-21T23:56:37.299-04:002012-05-21T23:56:37.299-04:00Mannah suggested
I would say "Oh you're ...Mannah suggested<br /> I would say "Oh you're so silly, I'm not mommy! I'm Mannah!" I would say it in a silly manner at first but then if the child continued, I would be more serious with him or her, saying something like "Your mommy loves you very much and it would make her sad if she heard you call me mommy. I am Mannah and I want you to call me that, not mommy."<br /><br />Excellent advice, and that would have been great if the OP had just did that. But....<br /><br />OP said:<br />"I tell M. she has a good mommy that loves her, and does fun things with her,and that she shouldn't wish for another one because it isn't very nice and might make mommy sad."<br /><br />Maybe it's nitpicking, but I see two different things being said and done between these two examples. Mannah's suggestion was to make light of it while reminding the child of the difference, unless/until the child continued to call nanny 'mommy' - and then at that juncture point out to the child that it would make mommy feel sad to hear her call someone else 'mommy' to reinforce why it is not acceptable.<br /><br />On the other hand, the OP scolded the child (on what I presume was one of the firsts occasion of being called 'mommy') and told the child SHE should feel sad for wishing such a thing. Way to lay on the guilt trip! To a 3 yr old!<br /><br />Again, maybe I am nitpicking, but I just think the OP did not handle it well, and I can see it from the MB's perspective.workingMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05170616457367079259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-35013778334999237412012-05-21T23:11:27.365-04:002012-05-21T23:11:27.365-04:00Guys, u have had someone fired? Puh- leeez, advise...Guys, u have had someone fired? Puh- leeez, advise wisely. Life is too hard without a job.Nannyof3noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-85757190253448895232012-05-21T23:04:32.155-04:002012-05-21T23:04:32.155-04:00Umass, actually it kind of sounds like she's h...Umass, actually it kind of sounds like she's hitting on me. Seeing as I'm being so "descent" and all.<br /><br />Fiona, go enjoy your vacation and leave this crazy place for us nutters! BTW, I couldn't agree more with this:<br /><br />"When as a culture did we become obsessed with making kids and everyone else think they should be happy all the time and that every thought and feeling they have is wonderful and should be praised?"<br /><br />Very well said!MissMannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15111173519948500730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-14094468187216361812012-05-21T21:53:34.669-04:002012-05-21T21:53:34.669-04:00Umass should not be allowed on this site.
I gue...Umass should not be allowed on this site. <br /><br />I guess her parents are to blame. Too much damn confidence.Opahsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-30270221084459203582012-05-21T19:40:03.307-04:002012-05-21T19:40:03.307-04:001234,
are you hitting on me?
I'm straight. sor...1234,<br />are you hitting on me?<br />I'm straight. sorry.UmassSlytherinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15647516080217006351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-49721068613427820812012-05-21T19:27:33.019-04:002012-05-21T19:27:33.019-04:00yeah but was it true that her mom was sad she call...yeah but was it true that her mom was sad she called someone else mom? <br /><br />I'm all for raising kids with giving them right emotions at the right time but in this situation it wasn't rightPhoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15540701992730212772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-14189895579588007312012-05-21T18:36:16.319-04:002012-05-21T18:36:16.319-04:00OP:
Here's where you went wrong
1. Coming he...OP:<br /><br />Here's where you went wrong<br /><br />1. Coming here for any sound advice.<br /><br />2. You should have reiterated to the girl how much you enjoyed being her nanny and caring for her in addition to you asking her not to call you mom or wosh you were her mom.<br /><br />3. You should have asked how she would like you to address her daughter.1234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-91704219489117427522012-05-21T18:33:33.048-04:002012-05-21T18:33:33.048-04:00I call it as I see it. There are many that can'...I call it as I see it. There are many that can't stand Mannah, Phoenix, and Umass and just as many who fawn all over them like girls in middle school trying to get lucky and get in with the in crowd.<br /><br /><br />Umass, I find it hilarious you find fault with me for bringing drama from other posts. It's what you do best dear. <br /><br />Mannah,<br />Nothing much to say to you hear. You've actually been a pretty descent poster the last week or so.1234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-33727274951929130092012-05-21T18:30:21.804-04:002012-05-21T18:30:21.804-04:00Don't worry about Phoenix.
She just likes bei...Don't worry about Phoenix.<br /><br />She just likes being contrary.<br /><br />If most folks were saying OP was in the wrong she would take up for her.<br /><br /><br />Also remember this is the same person who advocates cussing at kids and locking them in rooms, and crying to make them do what she wants.<br /><br />Get ready for three 8 paragraph long post that includes a random story about her life and family. some degree she's earned, what a strong& independent woman she is, and profanity1234noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-92066674980460637692012-05-21T18:25:58.433-04:002012-05-21T18:25:58.433-04:00See that is where you and I disagree. I believe 3...See that is where you and I disagree. I believe 3 year old can albeit in a very simple way understand that what they are doing, and can be taught that their actions impact others.<br /><br /><br /> But the nanny didn't go on letting her believe that she could be her mother if she wished hard enough<br /><br />It's a good thing nanny didn't tell her she could be her pretend big sister either. Especially now that big sister is gone suddenly.<br /><br />In my opinion , it is more damaging to a child to let them go on believing something that isn't true. <br /><br />Funny enough folks are geting so riled up that the girl cried, did you happen to notice she and her nanny spent the rest of the day having a good time.<br /><br />There is nothing wrong with being honest with a child even a 3 year old.<br /><br />She won't be worried about bonding with another nanny. If anything she'll grow up thinking the entire world revoles around her feelings and whims, and that nobody else has feelings, and that everyone elses exists simply to validate her.Fionanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-64217135710056689682012-05-21T17:13:34.817-04:002012-05-21T17:13:34.817-04:00when you are 3 you say things without intention.
...when you are 3 you say things without intention. <br /><br />When the nanny told her she made her mom sad, she took the positive comment towards her which was (nanny I love you) and made it an attack on her mother. So the child felt that since she had fondness for her nanny that she was hurting her mom.<br /><br />That is totally different then a kid calling someone fat.<br /><br />Children need to learn sadness and empathy but they need to learn those things when they do something that makes someone sad. If the kid purposfully calls someone stupid you can tell them it makes them sad. But if you tell a child that there affection for someone else is hurting another person that is wrong. <br /><br />Nobody should ever feel guilty for expressing any emotion. It is their emotion. you may not agree with it but it is theirs and theirs alone. <br /><br />THis was a situation where the child didn't need to know her love for another person hurt her mother. That is like saying the love I have for one of my friends hurts my moms feelings. What kind of thing is that to say? That doesn't teach a child disappointment it teaches them they can't love anyone but their parents. It will give them a complex. That will make the child grow up and strive to please their parents over pleasing themselves. She will be worried to bond with another nanny because she will be concerned about the way it makes her mom feel.Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15540701992730212772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-17475721142062050942012-05-21T17:06:06.283-04:002012-05-21T17:06:06.283-04:00It might not be her intention to hurt someone when...It might not be her intention to hurt someone when she calls someone fat or ugly. She will probably just be making an obseration. Should her next caregiver avoid telling her that what she said was rude and that she hurt that person's feelings because it wasn't her intention and she might cry?<br /><br />I can't today. I need to get off this thing and enjoy my vacation.Fionanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-26037122032568199562012-05-21T16:45:28.736-04:002012-05-21T16:45:28.736-04:00ok OP. Sorry I keep skipping your posts.
I agree ...ok OP. Sorry I keep skipping your posts.<br /><br />I agree with the mom that you shouldn't have said that she was making her mom sad. i don't think that was her intention so it would upset her.Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15540701992730212772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-31713106349490554472012-05-21T16:33:06.480-04:002012-05-21T16:33:06.480-04:00OP. I do think that they fired you for entirely th...OP. I do think that they fired you for entirely the wrong reasons.<br /><br />What exactly did you say to her?<br /><br />in the future when you come across this situation because it will happen again is to use humor and remind her. Not tell her you are wrong. If you told her that she could hurt her mom's feelings that may have been what triggered her emotional outburst or she is honestly really confused about what role you as the nanny played. She sounds really confused.<br /><br />Just note that kids respond very good to humor and playing. It would even be good to tell her that you are her "pretend big sister" that sometimes is even more wonderful to her. Her very own big sister. <br /><br />I don't think you handled the situation wrong. I think the parents did. I think they confused their daughter. DOn't quit the nanny field. It is a learning processPhoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15540701992730212772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-2105366737425095522012-05-21T16:24:16.566-04:002012-05-21T16:24:16.566-04:00also Mannah and Umass it is just that people do no...also Mannah and Umass it is just that people do not like outspoken strong minded women. I didn't even comment on this until today which is May 21st and I was mentioned along with you two on May 18th. WTF<br /><br />I don't know why you people think about us so much. It is very odd to me. I dont like most of you and you never cross my mind. I don't sit here and comment then go oh where is 1234? She hasn't come around and pissed me off yet. People unfairly like to argue with me.<br /><br />Like Mannah if people scream at her for saying the sky is blue people also scream at me for "insulting" them about things I don't even know they had in their lives. If I say I like cats. People freak out and think that I said their dog should be killed. Really? How utterly ridiculous is that? <br /><br />If you don't like someone. Then don't think about them or bring them up and don't bring them into a conversation when they aren't even here. That is like talking behind someone's back in school. <br /><br />Grow upPhoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15540701992730212772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-12746794381695110422012-05-21T16:12:56.303-04:002012-05-21T16:12:56.303-04:00Part B:
You know OP if you want two adorable chil...Part B:<br /><br />You know OP if you want two adorable children and a gorgeous husband to boot, why don't you go out and meet a nice-looking man, marry him and have two children with him?<br /><br />It's not like it is an unattainable goal. <br /><br />I hope someday you find true happiness. ♥Kourtneynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-5492835493569814012012-05-21T16:02:02.284-04:002012-05-21T16:02:02.284-04:00Question A: Um there is no way your going to CRUSH...Question A: Um there is no way your going to CRUSH your charge. YOu are not the mom. This is not news to her. When she says "I wish you were my mom." <br />YOu say: "Why? You have such a wonderful, pretty mom, you are very lucky. <br />I know what! How about we both say things we like about our moms. I will say what I like about my mom and you say what you like about your mom. <br />Ready? <br />My mom has the most beautiful hair! <br />Now you go! What do you like about your mom!"<br /><br />This will help your charge appreciate her mom and get you out of her head. don't let this statement go to your ego. You aren't her mother.<br /><br />Question B:<br /><br />This is not appropriate and you need to stop thinking about those tpyes of things. You are starved for a family. This is a little too much like "the hand that rocks the cradle"Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15540701992730212772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-24702407591813971292012-05-21T13:13:48.729-04:002012-05-21T13:13:48.729-04:00I firmly believe that ,UMASS!
Yes it's great ...I firmly believe that ,UMASS!<br /><br />Yes it's great to redirect, and it's great to positive, but sometimes a child needs to be told point blank that what they did or said was wrong.<br /><br />And no it doesn't always matter what they were feeling at the time.<br /><br />I'm not saying you need to get nasty, but children are more capable of handling direct communication than we give them credit for.<br /><br />When as a culture did we become obsessed with making kids and everyone else think they should be happy all the time and that every thought and feeling they have is wonderful and should be praised?<br /><br />And before anyone says well you're just a nanny...<br />Well I am just a nanny for nearly 20 years now and I'm also a mother to two grown children, one in college the other out on the workforce. Two fully functioning and happy adults.Fionanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-54946745062385573922012-05-21T12:56:29.730-04:002012-05-21T12:56:29.730-04:00Where did OP tell the little girl she was bad or t...Where did OP tell the little girl she was bad or that she should feel bad for what she said?<br /><br /><br />@workingmom<br /><br />Daycares and workers are just like anything else in that there are good and bad.<br /><br />Do you truly feel that all daycares are warehouses run by charlatans? Or were you trying to take a swipe at OP because she mentioned she used to work in daycare?Susannahnoreply@blogger.com