tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post259142651270578624..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: Delicate ReminderLeigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-15609381154671465892008-04-09T16:00:00.000-04:002008-04-09T16:00:00.000-04:00So let me try to understand you, you're mad it her...So let me try to understand you, you're mad it her because she runs your house better than you did? Think about it, you're being silly. Yes, she's a great nanny, but in the end you are their mother. Let her keep on running things and you, you just enjoy being a mom.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-31154987024464393292008-04-05T00:52:00.000-04:002008-04-05T00:52:00.000-04:00So what you are saying is... the nanny is doing a ...So what you are saying is... the nanny is doing a better job of running your household than you are and you are jealous.... so you want to be a WITCH and put her in her place so she resents you... <BR/><BR/>And "in your circle" Seriously... how pretentious are you!?<BR/><BR/>I hope this nanny leaves you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-47090010164576705262008-04-02T22:08:00.000-04:002008-04-02T22:08:00.000-04:00I think the anonymous Columbia grad is talking abo...I think the anonymous Columbia grad is talking about a different type of position. I suspect she's defining upper class as high society, not just wealthy. High society would not socialize with the help, thus the dealings through the household manager.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-18918962753222372522008-03-31T23:22:00.000-04:002008-03-31T23:22:00.000-04:00Again, Anon, that's your experience. Mine is diff...Again, Anon, that's your experience. Mine is different. I'm sure there are many that are different. You can't judge all the wealthy by your experience. There are plenty of wealthy parents who are involved with their children, they just happen to also be hard working and need a nanny. I can, however, say without a doubt that working for a middle class family that doesn't have the same resources as a wealthy family is harder. There are more chores. I did a lot more "light" housekeeping with the middle class families than with the wealthy ones simply because they had full time housekeepers. It's also nice to have another adult to talk to during the day as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-54481822974090279232008-03-31T19:08:00.000-04:002008-03-31T19:08:00.000-04:00Okay, I'm going to be delicate here, but you shoul...Okay, I'm going to be delicate here, but you should recognize that your problem here-- by your own description-- is not what she did, but how you feel because of her. It's really, really easy to say, "I'm glad you have such good instincts, but next time I'd really prefer we have a conversation about that sort of thing." You seem more worried that YOU feel inept in comparison, that YOUR friends would hire her if she wanted to leave YOU, that YOU aren't sure if she's too cocky or just really efficient...<BR/><BR/>You say your home has never been run so smoothly. You say your friends would love to hire her. You obviously see her merits. Why not just have a clear, professional and respectful conversation about specific boundaries and take it from there? She's not trying to become your children's mother, and it's okay for you to work outside the home and have a nanny. You don't have to feel bad just because she's doing a good job!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-33364506742197128162008-03-31T16:14:00.000-04:002008-03-31T16:14:00.000-04:00Nom: 9:26 here. I just want to clarify, I HAVE b...Nom: 9:26 here. I just want to clarify, I HAVE been there and have a basis of comparison. I worked both "upper -class" and “celebrity” for seven years when I was first out of Teacher's College in both nanny and governess positions. I've had a job where a dress and behavior code were handed to me on my first day by the household manager, and a job where I was one of three round-the-clock nannies for two children where the parents only spoke to us once a week to give requirements by phone, and expressed little to no interest in their children. These positions paid extraordinarily well and gave me the chance to travel, but were emotionally draining not only because I was consistently treated as "less than" by my employers, but because I felt complicit in raising children without proper support, limits, or emotional bonds with their parents. With the money I saved from these positions, I was able to take off for a few years to start my own family after being fired by my upper-class employers because pregnant was not the “image” they wanted someone in their household to project.<BR/><BR/>I'm glad your experience with wealthy employers was much better than mine, but when I first returned to work, I went through several positions with very high income families that ended rather quickly because they expected their staff to be on call at all times, even though they agreed to otherwise in the interview process. I was about to quit nannying for good when my friend recommended this particular family. Not only do they respect mine and my family’s needs, our child rearing philosophy is very much in line. For example, they leave me a credit card, but I rarely use it, since I, as my employers do, believe in teaching the kids’ that there are limits on their activities and spending.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-88428982853281443952008-03-31T15:47:00.000-04:002008-03-31T15:47:00.000-04:00I have several friends that give their nannies cre...I have several friends that give their nannies credit cards and check books and leave plenty of petty cash for them. Supply a car and gas and insurance.<BR/>San Francisco area is a great place to be a nanny and the pay is good here.<BR/>Until the passing of my daughter and moving in with my son in law to help raise the kids,I had never needed a Nanny. I had lots of help getting a great one from my friends<BR/>. She is only part time and she can bring her child with her everyday as the kids can play together after school. She is available if one of the children gets sick at school or needs to go to the Dr. A single Mom who is not afraid of hard work and 3 kids are hard work LOL She will even do a tub of wash for me and vac the carpets which is not her job. <BR/>I make sure that she never needs for anything.<BR/>When you find someone that loves children,is a hard worker,honest and dependable what more can you want?<BR/>She insists on using her own car so we pay half of her insurance and upkeep on her car.<BR/>I find that I do not have to "supervise her" and she discusses anything she wants to do with the kids,and tells me about their day and helps with home work. She is a God send to us.<BR/>I don't feel left out because she makes sure that when we get home that we have time to spend with the kids and if we didn't have her I would not have this amount of time with them.<BR/>Sometimes we need to sit back and think about what they really do for us. Not the amount of money that it costs to have them ,or if they make a decision without checking with us first. If we can trust them with the most valuable things in our lives we should be able to trust them to make the right decisions for the children.<BR/>I just hope that my SIL finds someone like her ,if he ever remarries.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-50181876300580408282008-03-31T12:13:00.000-04:002008-03-31T12:13:00.000-04:00FYII am a full time nanny for a familyin Northern ...FYI<BR/>I am a full time nanny for a family<BR/>in Northern California...and this<BR/>is the second family I have had credit cards--AE and a MC...with my name on them...<BR/>Last job Visa And a checkbook--with my name and theirs on it...<BR/>I do grocery shopping and lots of<BR/>kid activities....and petty cash is<BR/>worthless since its never enough...<BR/>and I hold reciepts for a month and give it to employers...<BR/>Plus gas for nanny car...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-2183362016883707162008-03-31T12:00:00.000-04:002008-03-31T12:00:00.000-04:00It depends on the job, Anon 9:26. You can't say u...It depends on the job, Anon 9:26. You can't say unequivocally that no upper class family would treat you the same way because you simply don't know unless you've been in those positions. <BR/><BR/>I actually had a situation where I was caring for my younger sister and son years ago. When my sister was ill and in the hospital my then boss allowed me not only to bring my nephew to work but took me to the hospital with my sister, made sure she had the best medical doctors in the city and allowed my toddler nephew and myself to stay with her because she lived closer to the hospital where my sister was located. I know these people had a 50 million net worth, far above the middle class range. <BR/><BR/>On the other hand, I have a lot of nanny friends who have worked middle class and when they started their own families most were out of jobs. One held her job for awhile, and then the family relocated across country. She's no longer a nanny of course. <BR/><BR/>You can't always judge a book by it's bank account, Anon.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-9450785366000238662008-03-31T06:16:00.000-04:002008-03-31T06:16:00.000-04:009:26-You have a great family!9:26-You have a great family!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-73886162084240987472008-03-30T21:26:00.000-04:002008-03-30T21:26:00.000-04:00As I write this, my charges are in bed and I am wa...As I write this, my charges are in bed and I am waiting for my employers to come home from a family event. I work for what I suspect many here would call a "middle class" family as a full time live out nanny. Let me tell you what it's like. My day is long--normal hours are 45-50 hours per week for which I make a nice, but not the highest I could, salary. I rarely am asked to work above and beyond that and even though my "official" work week is 50 hours a week, the parents always come home before my official quitting time and often let me go early on Fridays. <BR/><BR/>Tonight, they are paying me time and a half and I was asked if I would be able to babysit 3 weeks ago (not told just told to be available, and if I was busy they would make other arrangements without giving me a hard time). That in itself is enough to make this job better than some of my former employers who were in a much higher income bracket and paid more, but treated me like I was at their beck and call.<BR/><BR/>But let me tell you the clincher--and I've NEVER heard of anyond getting this benefit from a wealthy employer. I have 3 kids of my own and my employer has no issue with me bringing them to work with me if my babysitter falls through. And, if there's a school holiday coming up where it would be expensive for me to hire a full day babysitter, my employer ASKS me if I want to bring them with me to work. I am free to run to my kids schools or do things for them during the day if needed, as long as I coordinate those things with my charges' schedules. My charges and my kids play together well and their Mom has said yes to anything I need to do to care for my kids, often offering before I even ask if she knows they have a school play or conference coming up. Mom even cancelled her afternoon schedule so she could come home from work early when she knew my youngest was home sick so I could be with her even though I didn't ask Mom to do that. BTW, I get paid a full weeks salary on time every week regardless of whether I took some hours off to care for my kids or if my kids come to work with me. (Other employers I had would dock my pay if I took too many personal days because of my family and my kids would NEVER had been welcomed in their homes). Sure, there are some things I have to do here I didn't have to do in a Richie Rich's household (I do the kids laundry and I make a point of cleaning up any messes made during the day since I know they don't have full time cleaning help), but I would take this job hands down over any other.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-61046368476043395592008-03-30T13:48:00.000-04:002008-03-30T13:48:00.000-04:00This is obviously written by a nanny.This is obviously written by a nanny.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-88244198424180120232008-03-30T13:40:00.000-04:002008-03-30T13:40:00.000-04:00It wasn't a judgement call, anon 1:34 am. It was ...It wasn't a judgement call, anon 1:34 am. It was more of a reality check. But now that mp brings it up, middle class is lot less likely to have extra help for the home such as daily housekeeping or even weekend housekeeping. Let's be honest, most parents want to enjoy their time with their kids and that means ignoring little things like cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, doing the kids laundry on the weekends, even things like picking up dog dung that may have been an inconvenient area. With some sort of lame excuse as to why they couldn't get do even the simplest task. So I agree, I'd rather not work for the bourgeoisie. I also somehow doubt, anon 1:34 am, that you posses that much naïveté to believe that there aren't cuckoos amongst the middle class as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-443481002417853472008-03-30T10:08:00.000-04:002008-03-30T10:08:00.000-04:001:34, "a case of the cuckoos"...love it! and accur...1:34, "a case of the cuckoos"...love it! and accurately stated, from my experience, too. LOL! Thanks for lightening up my day.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-78943601480323938552008-03-30T01:34:00.000-04:002008-03-30T01:34:00.000-04:00pipe down dummy.ive worked for middle class and iv...pipe down dummy.<BR/>ive worked for middle class and ive worked for richies. the richies gave better gifts but came with it a case of the cuckoos. the middle class people are the salt of the earth.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-1237914814097323132008-03-30T01:14:00.000-04:002008-03-30T01:14:00.000-04:00I would never work for a middle class family. I am...I would never work for a middle class family. I am a middle class nanny. My credit cards - 2 of them have 10K limits. Why anyone would work for a middle class family with their budget restraints and limits is beyond me. I don't want a one week bonus and a scarf. I want one month and set of couture luggage and I'll work my ass off to get it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-87626849576256120162008-03-30T01:01:00.000-04:002008-03-30T01:01:00.000-04:00I really find it odd that some mothers out there d...I really find it odd that some mothers out there don't give their nannies credit cards. 4 out 6 of my jobs have given me credit cards. The two that didn't were middle class families, understandable as they probably weren't paying off their cards at the end of the month. My last position the card had 10k limit that was easily upped at MY request depending on if I had to do shopping for trips, go on trips alone with one of my charges, or shop for holidays.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-57980690250202665662008-03-29T21:12:00.000-04:002008-03-29T21:12:00.000-04:00Your right 3:18I should have yelled at them, and j...Your right 3:18<BR/><BR/>I should have yelled at them, and just quit. I was young. And I should have known better I am from NNJ.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-62744444286172614252008-03-29T19:01:00.000-04:002008-03-29T19:01:00.000-04:00Thanks for the follow up, OP! It's wonderful that...Thanks for the follow up, OP! It's wonderful that you are able to look at things from a different perspective. <BR/><BR/>Also, as another poster pointed out, the fact that you do feel jealous and want to be included is, though tricky for the nanny/employer relationship, a fabulous thing. You care about your children and want to be included in their lives and even the most menial decisions concerning their lives. I'm glad that you're able to approach this situation with self-awareness and honesty.<BR/><BR/>Why do some people (just anonymous) feel the CONSTANT need to instigate? For the most part, I think this was a wonderful discussion and was to OP's benefit. If only more posts could be like that ...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-91642191793197028052008-03-29T17:33:00.000-04:002008-03-29T17:33:00.000-04:00I'm in St. Paul, Mn but I know you're repeating Sp...I'm in St. Paul, Mn but I know you're repeating Spitzer's comments.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-48733536481961596112008-03-29T15:18:00.000-04:002008-03-29T15:18:00.000-04:00I would ammend the never work for an attorney to s...I would ammend the never work for an attorney to say, never work for anyone who yells at you. I would have smacked that laywer across the face. No wait.<BR/><BR/>I would have said, "F you, your a piece of s—-t, shove it up your a*s with a red hot poker” <BR/><BR/>you new yorkers know what I'm talking about.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-50668245518792386102008-03-29T13:50:00.000-04:002008-03-29T13:50:00.000-04:00Great follow up post OP. Don't let the hater get y...Great follow up post OP. <BR/>Don't let the hater get you down. Some posters here do that to everybody.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-84983926741750299062008-03-29T13:28:00.000-04:002008-03-29T13:28:00.000-04:00I was a nanny in the past. About playdates, somet...I was a nanny in the past. About playdates, sometimes my employer would make plans with a family. And alot of times I made plans with the moms or nannies. <BR/><BR/>When the kids were in school I had to do everything. Pick up their towels they would just drop on the floor. Pick up prescriptions, birthday presents, going for oil changes, food shopping, dry cleaning etc. They left me a credit card, but only put $500.00 on it. I remember the first time I maxed it out. I didn't even realize until I was picking up their groceries. So I get yelled out for maxing it out. Which doesn't make sense because all of the things were there items. <BR/><BR/>Never work for a lawyer.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-12464440279795430822008-03-29T12:16:00.000-04:002008-03-29T12:16:00.000-04:00OP, feeling inadequate with your children is defin...OP, feeling inadequate with your children is definitely a sign that you are a good parent. Reading the posts however, I did feel sorry for the poster who has to make all playdate arrangements with her friends' nannies. Now, I know everyone's life is different and money does bring its load of complications, so no judgement there, but it seems to me some people are missing out on a lot of fun.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-26288436732176375132008-03-29T12:05:00.000-04:002008-03-29T12:05:00.000-04:00ooooohhhhh....now for the real reason! Your husban...ooooohhhhh....now for the real reason! Your husband thinks she's great. Hmmm...is that where the jealousy stems from?<BR/><BR/>Also, I don't think this whole bus issue is that big of a deal. As a professional nanny she probably didn't want to bother you with the small stuff. <BR/><BR/>I hate using petty cash. If you trust your nanny enough to leave her with your children, then I would hope you trust her enough with your money. Priorities.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com