tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post1885025761368010552..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: Willing to tolerate what?Leigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger118125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-74101023283676602652008-02-23T21:55:00.000-05:002008-02-23T21:55:00.000-05:00sarah and mitch ~you said it cookie!! great post!sarah and mitch ~<BR/>you said it cookie!! great post!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-39019548312076029092008-02-23T20:09:00.000-05:002008-02-23T20:09:00.000-05:00I really don't agree with the op firing her nanny ...I really don't agree with the op firing her nanny for the reasons she has listed, it seems petty and immature to do so, especially in the manner which she fired the nanny. <BR/><BR/>But I also don't think the problem here is whether a nanny cooks or provides for the famiy or not. It is the expectation OP had for the nanny to do so. Obviously, the nanny had no problem cooking, so that's a moot point. But the OP didn't like the way she chopped her lettuce? And rather than teach and give her another chance, because obviously her cooking skills aren't up to par with Chef OP, she fired her with no notice, no explanation, no reference, and no chance to say goodbye to the children she has been spending ALL day every day with.<BR/><BR/>I think it is rude and crass, and unless there is more to the situation that hasn't be said yet, I really think that this OP doesn't need a nanny OR a house manager. She needs to do the job herself because obviously she is micromanaging every aspect of her kids' day, and nobody will be able to do anything good enough except the OP herself.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815542349245090209noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-57176224102851491282008-02-23T19:52:00.000-05:002008-02-23T19:52:00.000-05:00If the HUGE stick up your arse is apparent just fr...If the HUGE stick up your arse is apparent just from reading your so called advice/opinions then I seriously feel poorly for those who need to come in contact with you on a regular basis. <BR/><BR/>Life, my dear- is too short to be a bi*ch.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-22070344371856000792008-02-23T19:30:00.000-05:002008-02-23T19:30:00.000-05:00It amazes me how some use these forums to post the...It amazes me how some use these forums to post their personal critiques on people based on advise given. It's fine to disagree with the advise posted. Just an FYI; in high level professional settings, a costly mistake will almost always cost a job. An honest mistake may not. I don't classify acts of laziness, unwillingness and disinterest in a job as 'mistakes'. I don't tolerate 'mistakes' when it comes to the care of my child. My remarks are based on my experience of running a business that maintains employees...many emplopyees. As a mother I am passing along my educated and experienced opinion to another mother...not stooping to the lowest of low and passing judgement or drawing simplistic conclusions about a person. I strive to operate on a higher level both personally and professionally - this is my golden rule.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-84246777473202667742008-02-22T22:02:00.000-05:002008-02-22T22:02:00.000-05:00Whoa, 5:44, you sound just like the OP, pretentiou...Whoa, 5:44, you sound just like the OP, pretentious, arrogant and entitled. YOU never make mistakes? You go on and on about how you would have no qualms about firing someone if they make a single mistake, but what about yourself? <BR/><BR/><BR/>Have you no decency (sp?), no common respect? Have you never heard of the golden rule?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-18448545145435657392008-02-21T21:37:00.000-05:002008-02-21T21:37:00.000-05:00O.k., you sound like a robot!O.k., you sound like a robot!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-71374079961750250262008-02-21T17:44:00.000-05:002008-02-21T17:44:00.000-05:00As a business owner and employer for many people o...As a business owner and employer for many people over many years, one should not have to tolerate anything. Employment is a contract for services and if the services supplied, the contract is null and void. When I hired my first nanny I too tolerated far too much, much more than i would have from any employee. I must add that my business has had many, many long term employess who often come back and have maintained a friendship with my business partner and myself. We are fair, trusting, concerned and caring employers. We expect the same from our employees. We trust that they will know their jobs, do their jobs and show the utmost care and respect in the preformance of their jobs. After a disasterous first nanny who left my child to play unattended in the park day after day, I have come to realize that employment expectations cannot be lowered for someone who cares for your child. There are quite a few nannies that treat children as bargaining chips. This practice sickens me and I don't want my child around such people. There are good, hardworking and honest people out there who are willing to do the job as described. You were specific with your nanny in the duties you required. As with any job, the employer outlines the needs and the employee fills them for a certain wage. If both sides don't agree and the contract is not met, you either renogotiate or rehire. I have chosen to rehire and have been lucky. I also monitor employee performance and behavior (including nanny) like a hawk. If my controller makes one mistake, omits one number from my records that costs my company, they are released from the job. If my nanny makes mistakes that reflect carelessness and 'forgetfullness', they too will also be released. As employers and mothers we should not have to deal with unprofessionalism at any level. We strive to do our best, perform to the limits, all while showing respect and care for others and we should expect no less from others. As our employers are not expected to tolerate our shortcomings, I would not expect anyone to tolerate these shortcomings especially when it comes to our children and their care.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-12853167560430052882008-02-21T15:27:00.000-05:002008-02-21T15:27:00.000-05:00i've heard of it before, too. not that i think it ...i've heard of it before, too. not that i think it makes sense.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-64470765342227389232008-02-21T14:53:00.000-05:002008-02-21T14:53:00.000-05:009:54 eye roller, Feel free to take it up with whoe...9:54 eye roller, <BR/><BR/>Feel free to take it up with whoever invented that "title" - 'twasn't me!<BR/><BR/>Maybe it's a southern thing. I know of a number of agencies down here that use that term.chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08036917167478045508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-32683555420924347212008-02-21T14:04:00.000-05:002008-02-21T14:04:00.000-05:008:17I never said I would mind doing other tasks be...8:17<BR/>I never said I would mind doing other tasks beyond taking care of the children. It's only when they started to take advantage of me and have me scrub their patio furniture that I would draw the line.<BR/><BR/>Personally, I don't mind errands at all. I've done everything from picking up the drycleaning, going to the Florist, wrapping gifts (which I love to do), and picking up a few things from the Grocer.<BR/><BR/>Tasks around the house I would do include setting the table (no, I don't mind), I have on occasion put away laundry (not just the kids), feed and watered cats, dogs, gerbils and ferrets, and put away dishes. (I'm not including things like feeding kids and cleaning up after them, which are a given).<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all have our limits. No I won't make the Parents bed, clean their bathroom, or walk their dog ... all things I've been asked to do. <BR/><BR/>Each Nanny has to work out with their Family what they're willing to do or not do. And this is where a good WA comes in handy.<BR/><BR/>Also ... another poster mentioned that they offer to do some extra chores that they would normally not do, "because they weren't asked". I was good about doing this too, if I happened to find myself with some free time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-80476506106098061902008-02-21T09:54:00.000-05:002008-02-21T09:54:00.000-05:00A nanny manager? I have never heard of such a thin...A nanny manager? I have never heard of such a thing. When our children were in school full time, we no longer needed our nanny all day long but our nanny wanted to retain full time hours. We considered what the best response would be to honor her service to us for the five years she had been with us and yet retain the best match for our home. What we decided was we would have the nanny work the same hours as always and we negotiated some responsibilities with her to make it worth our while. She runs a whole lot of errands. She doesn't clean, she's not much of a cook (but she will try). But what she is- is a nanny. Our two children have missed a combined 9 days of school THIS YEAR from the flu. I say we made the right decision to keep the nanny as is. At least for now. But you Americans are too title happy. She's still a nanny. <BR/>A nanny. Not a nanny manager. Last week she made tostadas for the entire family on my birthday. She's still a nanny. A thoughtful, excellent nanny, but a nanny. <BR/><BR/>A nanny manager is the stupidest thing I have ever heard of. Unless you are talking about a nanny manager who is the head nanny on a staff of 4 or 5 nannies. Otherwise, lose the phrase nanny manager.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-60960890875861226032008-02-21T09:26:00.000-05:002008-02-21T09:26:00.000-05:00Annon/8:17, I have no issue with the OP as far as ...Annon/8:17, I have no issue with the OP as far as her needs for someone who will fulfill ALL the defined duties. My issue is with her terminology, and her assumptions that "nanny" should include housekeeping and cooking for the family. A traditional nanny does not do family meals or cleaning.<BR/><BR/>She might have better luck advertising for a nanny manager, or for a nanny/housekeeper if the division of labor between house and kids is pretty evenly split.<BR/><BR/>Generally, a nanny who wants to focus on childcare won't be all that interested in the OP's job once the terms are clear. Advertising more specifically might save OP and the interested job seekers some time and make OP's search more efficient.<BR/><BR/>Of course, not knowing where OP lives, I might be all wrong - maybe she lives in an area where the term "nanny" is misused for housekeepers? In that case, she needs to go with local terminology, even if it's not technically correct.chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08036917167478045508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-29167245112842672522008-02-21T09:17:00.000-05:002008-02-21T09:17:00.000-05:00fyi/12:13am, a NANNY manager is in charge of light...fyi/12:13am, a NANNY manager is in charge of light household things such as simple cleaning, errands, cooking, etc. while the kids are NOT in the house. When the kids are home, she is in charge of them, as well as keeping the house running smoothly. Typically, if a nanny wants to stay with a family once all the kids are in school FT, she evolves into a nanny manager.<BR/><BR/>YOU are thinking of a HOUSE manager, who is, indeed, the modern equivalent of a formal Butler. A House Manager is in charge of any other household employees, such as nannies, housekeepers, etc. House Managers generally only do childcare if Nanny is out of work and no substitute can be found.chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08036917167478045508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-42862215394133161342008-02-21T08:17:00.000-05:002008-02-21T08:17:00.000-05:00I'm sorry, but after reading all this, I agree wit...I'm sorry, but after reading all this, I agree with OP. Sounds like a lot of you are taking out your past bad experiences on her. If she really was crystal clear that these tasks are in the job description, then it is reasonable to let someone go who is not performing them. Chick, Kate, MPP, sounds like you would not take the job as described. That's fine. Looking for a job that fits within the lines of what you want to do is the right thing for you to do. But the OP is also doing the right thing giving out the information needed for a candidate to make that informed choice rather than trying to sneak those tasks in as it sounds like your past employers did. And please don't assume that because someone does agree to cook and do the children laundry (I draw the line at cleaning and the family's laundry--those are a housekeeper's responsibilities), that means they are not a professional nanny who provides excellent care for their charges.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-35527893265657512292008-02-21T06:21:00.000-05:002008-02-21T06:21:00.000-05:00chickEXCELLENT posts! You are def. one of my favs!...chick<BR/>EXCELLENT posts! You are def. one of my favs!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-34393476894537139512008-02-21T00:13:00.000-05:002008-02-21T00:13:00.000-05:00A nanny/manager would be less likely to cook and c...A nanny/manager would be less likely to cook and clean than a nanny. Since a manager is at the top of the escalon and a nanny is in the middle, a nanny manager would be HIGHER up than a nanny, now lower.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-53658916512208807652008-02-21T00:04:00.000-05:002008-02-21T00:04:00.000-05:00hb, I am not disputing the OP's absolute right to ...hb, I am not disputing the OP's absolute right to expect "nanny" to cook, clean, do trash duty, run errands. As you say, if she hires someone to do all that stuff, she has every right to expect them to fulfill their duties.<BR/><BR/>That said...<BR/><BR/>There is a job duties distinction that professional nannies feel is important - I don't think any of the nannies here are looking to be classic british nannies who do NOTHING but child related tasks, but I, personally, am tired of seeing ads for "nannies" who are also expected to clean, cook, and do all the family laundry. That's not a nanny, it's a housekeeper.<BR/><BR/>If I wanted to clean, I would be a housekeeper. If I wanted to do laundry I would be a laundress. If I wanted to cook, I would be a chef.<BR/><BR/>I don't want to clean, launder and cook - I want to care for chuildren. That is my focus, because I am a nanny.<BR/><BR/>One of the biggest issues in the US when it comes to household employees is the blurred definitions. I think it's a liberal guilt/class thing - many people feel uncomfortable having help, and they try to define it in a way that sounds less "posh". <BR/><BR/>If OP wants someone who will not be focused on childcare most of the time, she needs to hire a housekeeper or nanny/manager. Period.chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08036917167478045508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-65028185464197491902008-02-20T23:47:00.000-05:002008-02-20T23:47:00.000-05:00I'm sorry Chick, but Whaaaaaaaaaa?The OP should em...I'm sorry Chick, but Whaaaaaaaaaa?<BR/><BR/>The OP should employ a house manager because she wants someone to make a salad at night? The Op clearly said this was in her original job description, so I agree with the OP that whatever the job is, it is. Titles are meaningless. If you take money to do a, b and c- be a dear and don't forget b. How hard is that?<BR/><BR/>We are after all talking about a salad. Why do I feel like I am in some other world where salad preparation is all consuming and only a task that can and should be assigned to those who have professionally trained in managing country estates?<BR/><BR/>I have a housekeeper. She has been with me four years. I advertised the position under the header, "Housekeeper". The job description included "must love dogs". I explained to the housekeeper that the housekeeping position included keeping the dogs water clean and filled while she was there, washing their bowls once a week, washing their dog beds. The housekeeper assured me she was okay with that. Four years later, the housekeeper is still doing the same job she was hired to do. Life isn't that complicated, it's lazy people that seem to complicate life.<BR/><BR/>There is nothing wrong with any employer be it fry cook or oil baron demanding that his or her job description be executed.<BR/><BR/>All this pissing and moaning makes me want to slap the next nanny I see. Not seriously, but you know what I mean. It's surely enough!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-74576238435528628182008-02-20T23:28:00.000-05:002008-02-20T23:28:00.000-05:00OP/8:15"And I do wonder what is the huge differenc...OP/8:15<BR/><BR/>"And I do wonder what is the huge difference between cooking an entire meal for the children-which nannies DO or just making a salad for the family?"<BR/><BR/>The difference is whether the stated expectations match what's in the work agreement. If you employ nanny to cook for your children, it's an imposition to expect her to cook for you. If you employ nanny to cook for the family, then if she doesn't do so she is imposing on YOU.<BR/><BR/>News flash for you - most good nannies are very accomodating. The families that KEEP those good nannies are the ones that don't have a "job creep" issue - the employers don't expect nanny to do more than she is contracted to do, and if nanny does go above and beyond, they thank her. They do NOT expect that extra effort 100% of the time. And because they don't expect the extras, they tend to GET them. It's a complex thing, but it boils down to this:<BR/><BR/>If you don't expect or demand extra from nanny, she will likely GIVE you extra anyway, because she is a caring person. If you do demand extra, you will lose nanny when she can no longer deal with her resntment that you take advantage of her nature.<BR/><BR/>"Anyone picking a battle with me isn't going to win. I've got reason on my side."<BR/><BR/>Nah, you don't really, since you seem ignorant of what a nanny is versus a nanny/manager versus a housekeeper. Best of luck with your search - hope you can find someone who meets your expectations, and that you don't critique her efforts too much.chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08036917167478045508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-41681325054273235592008-02-20T22:43:00.000-05:002008-02-20T22:43:00.000-05:00I didn't mean I thought this OP was the mom from t...I didn't mean I thought this OP was the mom from the other post...only that perhaps some nanny who had been fired was acting in the same way as hers...or maybe one of that nanny's (from the other post) friends. I just never knew before that they ganged up that way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-72898522690626824122008-02-20T22:28:00.000-05:002008-02-20T22:28:00.000-05:00OPDo you have a teenage daughter? We were wonderin...OP<BR/>Do you have a teenage daughter? We were wondering if the post "Bethenny's Nanny", was your nanny.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-15264971603554833982008-02-20T22:09:00.000-05:002008-02-20T22:09:00.000-05:00Kate in PaI had to let out a little giggle when I ...Kate in Pa<BR/>I had to let out a little giggle when I read your 1:42 post.<BR/>There must something in the water, because I also quit a Nanny job where the duties started to pile up on me. The last straw:<BR/>Sweeping the leaves off of the back patio and wiping down the patio furniture!<BR/>I started doing it, but after an hour or so I thought, "this is absolutely ridiculous!" I hadn't been compensated for other "extras", and just at that moment felt so used!<BR/>I was very careful after that about what I would or would not agree to because yes -- some Employers can get carried away.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-75265033219184432582008-02-20T20:33:00.000-05:002008-02-20T20:33:00.000-05:00Perhaps the difference is, a nanny is hired to car...Perhaps the difference is, a nanny is hired to care for your children and not for you? Or maybe because the children will eat the meal they are given whereas the mother will complain about how the salad is made...<BR/><BR/>I feel I need to explain my spitefulness about this. On the surface, no it does not seem a big deal. But with many nannies, it only starts this way. First they are asked to "prep dinner" (i.e. make a salad). Next thing you know, the nanny is in charge of elaborate meals for entire family each night. Then the nanny is being taken advantage of and asked for more and more with no extra compensation. It happens more than you know. <BR/><BR/>So forgive me if you are not that type of employer, but most nanny employers are. Even if they think they aren't, it usually turns out that way. That's why I'm making such a big deal over a seemingly small task.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-46058610843541758262008-02-20T20:15:00.000-05:002008-02-20T20:15:00.000-05:00I don't have an Uncle Henry. And I do wonder what ...I don't have an Uncle Henry. And I do wonder what is the huge difference between cooking an entire meal for the children-which nannies DO or just making a salad for the family?<BR/><BR/>Anyone picking a battle with me isn't going to win. I've got reason on my side.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-10761504928920668432008-02-20T20:04:00.000-05:002008-02-20T20:04:00.000-05:00OP, you said:"I would be very interested in hiring...OP, you said:<BR/><BR/>"I would be very interested in hiring someone who was English and fifty-ish. I think that would be the best fit for our family."<BR/><BR/>I am going to assume that by "English" you mean British, and that by British, you mean you want a trained proper nanny, a woman who has gone through NNEB schooling.<BR/><BR/>A proper British NNEB nanny is not going to take a job where she does anything BUT care for your children. <BR/><BR/>She won't make YOU a salad (although she'll make a spiffy one for the kids), she won't play chess with elderly relatives (although she might teach your kids chess), and if you tell her to take your recycleable to the curb, she will tell you politely to kiss her NNEB rear-end.<BR/><BR/>What you want and need is a "nanny manager" - this person can deal with household issues while your children are at school, and then perform childcare tasks when the kids are home. She'll multi-task, keep your kids entertained, and help your home run more smoothly, but she won't be the classic British Nanny. <BR/><BR/>The classic British nanny would look at your job description and tell you she would gladly start working for you when you hired the Cook, the Housekeeper, and Personal Assistant.chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08036917167478045508noreply@blogger.com