Question for the readers...

I have a question for readers, both those who are former childcare-preschool teachers with classroom experience and those who are career nannies, having never worked in a classroom prior to becoming a nanny. This is a situation that occurred last week after I left for the day in a different classroom, and the teachers involved are close to me: both mean the world to me and one of them is my co teacher. The other teacher is very sweet and I am close to her.

We are connected by a bathroom separating our classrooms of 2-3 year olds. There is a child in the other 2 year old room who is 3 years and 3 months. He has not moved up to the three year old room yet due to space issues from what I can see, and will most likely be moving into that room come fall. He is a very sweet child but he can be a handful, like any child. Recently he has become a challenge for his teachers; not listening, screaming, throwing temper tantrums, hitting, kicking, climbing furniture, etc. I believe he is bored in the classroom, and also believe that M and D do not provide any consequences for his behavior. The funny thing is that I can get him to listen and to stop his inappropriate behavior: last week he was in the corner screaming and he knew I was watching while in the bathroom changing a diaper. He kept screaming due to a tantrum. I noticed him screaming, and he saw me looking at him. He stopped immediately. Many times the door opens and his teacher will ask me to talk to this child because he isn't listening. I do what I can to help out when needed, because I know what it's like to have a child who doesn't listen, and sometimes you need the support from someone other than your director. I think it's a pride thing.

So the situation that happened last week involved this child's behavior which resulted in his teacher being stressed out and reaching a breaking point, and my co-teacher who was working in the classroom. I had been in the classroom all day due to one teacher being off and our classroom being at a one teacher ratio. This child did a fantastic job listening and following directions, and when I left, all hell broke loose. I wasn't there, but from what I was told, the behavior was bad enough to where our director was called into the classroom. I don't have specifics in regard to what actually happened, however, I was told bits and pieces by both teachers.

Our director had a meeting with both teachers which resulted in both of them in tears based on what the director had to say about her observations. I get where she is coming from and what she is trying to say, yet I question how she actually said it, and from what I have seen in regards to administration's communication with staff, I can guess that she wasn't using a firm but gentle tone. (I'm the OP who sent in a submission about not being promoted to a program director as part of my post, and this director knows I want that position. She told me to give it up, because it will never happen there and started laughing about it.)

The director and parent of this child had a meeting, and the result of that meeting from what his teacher told me is that all teachers aren't to discipline this child, meaning he can do what he wants. If he wants to jump off tables during group time he can, etc. D made this suggestion, and our director? She's ok with it. In other words, if he is asked to sit down at the table and chooses not to, or he is asked to do something, we cannot physically touch him or force him to do it.

Can someone help me understand the logic in this? This is the same director who got a child disenrolled for far worse behavior because she knew that parents were of no help to the situation. The same child who, at 2.5 opened the gate and ran onto the playground, slapped me across the face when I gave her a consequence for running away from the group while lining up to go inside. The same child who ran away from the group on a walk and had to be chased by a member of admin. The same child who was placed on a behavior plan two weeks after I started in the classroom who had twenty-five, yes twenty-five incident reports for inappropriate behavior in three months (do the math). The same child who, as part of the behavior plan, was sent home for the day for inappropriate behavior. The same child whose behavior was the result of the parents not providing consequences when it occurred and the behavior burning myself and my co teacher out because it affected the entire class. My director attempted to come up with strategies for this particular child. Nothing worked, M and D played the stupid card (" 'we don't know why she's acting like this or what we are doing wrong with her....' ") and this child was asked to find another center, mainly because my director gave up. This other child who is a problem in his classroom (not in mine) is behaving in a similar fashion, and instead of dealing with the problem, my boss is condoning it and supporting the behavior. What?!

I hate to bring this up, but if our center hired qualified teachers with more than one year experience, required classes and/or degrees in education, I believe it would raise the bar on standards and practices, and the chances of having issues like this would be slim. Of course the owner is more worried about other things than actually hiring more qualified people and paying them what they are worth.

So what do all of you think? Is my director wrong for her decision to follow the parent's wishes and let the child do what he wants? What would you do in this situation?

Advice Please

If you know of a former babysitter that was charged with endangering children and that knowledge is public, BUT has remarried only to change their name and now is divorced (a very short time later). Is there somewhere to be able to post something warning people of her new name. Maybe if they 'Googled" her "new" name it would connect the two? By the way she is not licensed to provide care, and part of her being convicted of 1 count of child endangering versus 6 counts was that she could not run a state licensed home daycare again. When she never had a license to begin with.

Lost in the sauce

Birthday Question

Hello! I had a question I was hoping to get some advice on. Im a regular babysitter/nanny (I watch the kids almost every day, I just use the title babysitter) to 4 kids, 3 girls and 1 boy. The boy turned 3 in June, the oldest girl turned 11 in July, and the youngest is turning 2 in August. The three kids are having a combined birthday party close to the youngest's birthday.

My question is: I already gave the oldest and the boy their presents after their birthdays past. Im wondering if I should get them anything for the birthday party? If I did, it would be a smaller gift than what I got them for their actual birthday. I was thinking, if I should get them something, get them an outfit and maybe a book or a small toy. What do you think? Also what are some good present ideas for a 2 year old? Thanks!

Copy Cats - Just Wrong!

Just starting to read a really good novel called ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD by CAROLINE ANGELL. So far, really good on many levels - dialogue, characterizations of moms, strategies with kids and more. The nanny is a composer and if you are musically oriented with voice or instruments there are many other descriptive depths.

The nanny/composer tells about an AWESOME professor she and her friends had where they created their hearts out for and with this academic authority creating wonderful music and themes etc all to emotional heights and all got A's. Yep you guessed it - after the semester ended the work they had done with the professor popped up everywhere - the nanny's contribution came on the theme song to a new dramatic tv series.

A nanny friend and I had that happen - we were between families and a new school opened up - not academic but creative - art, music and much more and the pay was good. We were invited to a meeting with the husband and wife whose sincerity reminded me of Sunday school teachers. We performed our little hearts out for them - songs, dances, plays, artwork, games, group activities, ways to deal with discipline, and much more.

Neither we nor any others interviewed got a position but we heard they used ALL our ideas!!! It was calculated! They specifically picked our experienced brains with no intention of hiring us.

Has this ever happened to anybody? And what steps do you take to prevent this?

More on this good book later

Leigh




Here is a little clip of Caroline Angell explaining her book!  Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIgDcDlgd5U&authuser=0

Suggestions Please!

I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions for good personalized children's books?? Something beautiful and nicely illustrated. I would like to give my charge one for his 1st birthday... Or if you have any other special, creative ideas for his birthday.

Also if you have any unique ideas on a parting gift to give my nanny family that would be great too. Thought about a photo book, but may not have time to get one made... But maybe some other ideas with pictures?

Need Advice PLEASE!

I need advice. I recently started working as a nanny, but before this, I worked at a church daycare. While I was there, I got in a lot of trouble for things like sending a child home for a 101.5 degree temp without asking the (absent) director, and for using a rectal thermometer on a 13 month old. (I get the issue there, but it was also the only thermometer in the daycare that works, and it's the one I was given by older ladies who worked there). Meanwhile, my coworker was incredibly lazy. My children (18-36 months) were not changed until I came in at 9:30, she wouldn't put the potty training children on the potty to at least try to go, and she sat on her phone all day. I was changing a child one day and I heard two children fighting and screaming. She was sitting on her phone, texting, and when I asked her to take care of it, she didn't even look up and told them to stop. It ended with one child being bit so hard that he had a bruise for two weeks.

These are just a couple of examples of things that went on. I recently found out that my former boss hasn't hired anyone else to take my place, and two other women have recently quit. She's had 5 weeks to hire new workers and she refuses to. The daycare already had an illegal teacher/child ratio, and the director would leave promptly at 4, not checking on the workers.

Should I let the parents know what happened? I had two parents ask if they should be concerned when I let them know I no longer worked at the daycare, so I told them about why I left. But should I let the others know? I'm worried about legal repercussions and such. Thank you!

Bad nannies/home daycare sighting in Chicago

I see them very often at Chase Park in Chicago (Ravenswood/Uptown area) with 5-6 kids. The women (usually 3) who are either nannies or home daycare carers are all very large, in mid twenties to mid thirties and African American. As soon as they come to the playground they plant themselves down, chat and let the kids (between ages 1-maybe 4) roam. The kids run up to the swings, walk out of the playground, push, take toys and food from other kids. Last week a little girl (walking pretty well, but so small she looks like 1) walked under the swings and got hit. The dad who was pushing his kiddo, took her and started running, yelling who's child is she. It took nearly 5 minutes for one of the women to claim her. At the same time, I was trying to get their little boy (I think his name is Jeremiah, around 3 years old, black with three scars on his face) from behind swings without him getting hit. As soon as I got him out, he left the playground alone, and when I called the women, they ignored it for good 10 minutes. I often end up entertaining 1-2 of their kids because they want to join in the fun with my charges. Another issue is, that even though the kids are on the playground for at least 1 hour (I leave with my charges at 11am and they are always still there), neither woman ever offers them any snacks or even a drink of water (we had weather in the upper 80s and 90s last week!). I've chatted with fellow nannies and mothers and they also say they see them everyday on that playground, but since they never socialize, no one knew if they are from a home daycare or nannies.It's a terrible situation, I hope parents may see this and take those kids away!

Just Venting...

A while ago I sent in a submission about a negative review floating around about me located on an online site. Using this site where I am registered and have found a few babysitting jobs along with a part time nanny job that recently ended, I have applied for three full time positions within the last 2-3 weeks, and this negative, scathing review is concerning me.

Two of the three families passed on my "application" without evening talking to me. Like they saw the review, formed a judgement about me, and moved on. One of the families and I chatted on the phone and the parent asked me about the review, in which I gave her my side of the story:

I met this family on the same site (obviously...lol) and made contact with a parent, which was the father. He seemed nice but a bit spacey and preoccupied, as I sent a several texts before I got their address-an hour and a half before I was supposed to be at their house. I had never met this family before, and they never met me. Everything was going fine, and D came home first, paid me, and I went home.

Then I saw the review...dated and posted nearly four months after I babysat for them. In this review, the father describes me a monster who yelled at and terrified his children to the point they cannot hire another sitter without their children being scared. He claims I yelled at his children and did not let them leave the couch for anything. This is sooooooooooooo not true.

I arrived at 710, and when the parents left, I offered the children the choice of playing or watching the movie. Then again, who doesn't play and watch a movie at the same time? At 745, we took a potty break and got snacks, where I called out, not yelled at the girls "did you go potty?" We started on snacks, and I explained to the girls that I was setting the timer on my phone, and when it went off, we would clean up and get ready for bed, Five minutes before the phone went off, one of the kids tried getting more toys, at which point I calmly said no more toys, due to the alarm going off soon. We got ready for bed, etc.

I called out to the girls when they were still up by 10p. I didn't yell at them.

When I saw this review in January, I was floored. What he is saying about me is untrue, hurtful, and it is making me look terrible to families on the site. I found out the parents filed for divorce about a month or two after I babysat, so I am thinking they were fighting after I babysat, and that the children are associating my calling out to them with yelling from their parents. In other words, they may think I caused the fight between the parents, thus their being hesitant to get another sitter.

The family who asked me about the review determined I wasn't a fit for their family, and I seriously think the review was the biggest factor in their decision not to interview me. I explained the review as best I could, and believe this family believes the review, not my side of things.

I have the father's email address. Do I contact him in a respectful manner letting him know this review is full of lies and accusations, thus preventing me from obtaining a job? Do I let families on this site know up front what happened, or do I wait for them to ask me about it?

Gossip stinks. Even when it's written with one star and harsh words. Even worse when you give your side and nobody believes you....

Bad Nanny sighting!! Montclair/Bloomfield, New Jersey - Brookdale Park Playground, Monday, July 11, 2016 before 1:30 PM.

A little boy no older than 2 got hurt on the playground. He was crying and no one came to console him. A group of parents/caregivers went around the playground trying to find who was responsible for him and could not so the police were called. Eventually a woman came back inside the playground and she identified herself as his sitter (she was outside the playground talking to a man). She was upset the police were called. The concerned parents/caregivers called the police back and told them the sitter had been found. At least 10 minutes passed before the sitter was located.

Advice Please!!

We recently bought our Nanny a car, it is her car, titled in her name and she is insuring. She will use it for transporting our child, but when she leaves our employment she will take the car with her.

Question, I'm thinking we should pay for her gas as she is transporting our child to activities, my husband thinks since we bought her a car she is on her own for gas. She is live in.

Bad Nanny Sighting - July 1st - Tribeca

on friday evening, july 1, i was in the whole foods tribeca location around 4:45 pm, in the upstairs cafe.

there was a young girl, around 8, with physical handicaps, seated with her nurse/nanny along with a younger girl, possibly her sister, around 5 years old and her own nanny. the nanny/nurse was mean to the older girl, offering a flood of criticism, and then what seemed to be in the spirit of avoiding the continued abuse in public, the nanny / nurse then took her to the bathroom, where after 10 minutes i followed, and this is what i saw. the nanny / nurse had the girl on the toilet, the door open, staring at her charge, seething, saying, "Go. Get your fingers out of your mouth, NOW. how many times do i have to tell you - stop your crying. GO. Under the guise of supporting her, the nurse/nanny helped her charge back to the table but it wasn't a kind touch. if you weren't observing carefully, you might think all is well, she took a moment to braid the child's hair in the bathroom.

i implore these parents who obviously do have their hands full to recognize that to be a parent / nanny is not to be perfect, but it is to relate to another (small) human in a certain way, and this woman was cruel. the younger nanny less so, but def was following the older's lead. the older girl clearly suffers, and my sense is she's unable to articulate her negative experiences and her nurse / nanny is deceitful.

Nevermind Unemployment I am going to the Hamptons

I'm the writer that freaking out wondering if I could collect unemployment.... I've already gotten a new job. But heres the weird thing:

They want me to go to the Hamptons with them for a trial run next weekend. Its paid and includes everything like food at travel, but I've literally never done anything like this before. I have never traveled or even spend the night at the home of previous families.

The interview was only like 45 minutes and now I'm going to spend the weekend their shore house? Not that I am complaining I love the Hamptons and beach, it just seems like a big first step in getting hired.

I have zero experience living with families and as much as I love children, I am always happy to go back to my own place..

I am totally doing it, I can just be shy and nervous at first, and this seems fast.

Does anyone have tips for the first time staying at a job's house? I want to be a good guest while also not actively engaging with their kid.